All posts by Alex

Karate Emergency Episode 2.5: Don’t Be A Meerkat


Kelly’s love life has roped in a number of casual onlookers, including one of Seattle’s intrepid sports reporters. In true NFL pregame style, we break down the chances of finding love for each of these inquiring individuals.

On top of that, we enjoy a spirited discussion on the future of Tom Cable and the Seahawks, plus delve into a full post-mortem on your 2015 Seattle Mariners.

To listen on iTunes and download every episode of the podcast for free, check us out here.

The 2015 Ex-Seattle Mariners (or, Former Mariners in the Playoffs)

choomarinersThe 2015 MLB playoffs are underway, and for the fourteenth straight season, your Seattle Mariners are not invited to the party.

Lest you fret over not being able to watch your beloved M’s take part in the postseason, we’re here to bring you the list of all 24 former Mariners who find themselves on the active rosters of playoff-bound teams. Yep, you read that correctly. A total of 24 ex-Mariners have made their way to greener pastures since leaving Seattle, one shy of the number needed to fill a 25-man roster.

With 10 teams having qualified for postseason play (including Wildcard participants), that averages out to 2.4 ex-Mariners per roster. And in fact only one squad fails to employ a former Mariner: the St. Louis Cardinals, who have become renowned for cultivating their own homegrown talent.

Here’s the list of all 24 playoff-bound ex-Mariners, broken down by team:

Continue reading The 2015 Ex-Seattle Mariners (or, Former Mariners in the Playoffs)

Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Detroit Lions


The bluest of Fridays to all 12 of you reading this! We’ve reached Week Four of the NFL season, and this week’s Seahawks opponent you need to know about is… the Detroit Lions.

Golden Tate is back! The guy who is absolutely, unequivocally, 100-percent responsible for Russell and Ashton Wilson’s divorce is returning to Seattle this weekend to wreck some homes, jack a few doughnuts, and maybe make a catch or two.

What? Don’t pretend like you weren’t consumed by the Golden-Ashton rumors. They may be silly. They may be unsubstantiated. They may not even be true. But don’t deny it: you were sucked into the juiciness like a 40-year-old single woman on Bachelor night.

Continue reading Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Detroit Lions

Karate Emergency Episode 2.4: Taking Down the SeaPimp


Slickhawk kicks off Episode 4 by verbally suplexing another one of Seattle’s most loathed creatures. It’s a Karate Emergency tradition.

We then dispose of your Facebook hoaxes in a raging dumpster fire, analyze all the Golden Tate rumors, theorize about Momma Lynch’s grammatical acumen, weigh in on the Mariners front office, piss on the ashes of Oregon football, and tie it all together with a deep and meaningful conversation on dating one’s ex.

Check it all out in the fourth installment of Karate Emergency: The New Class, and be sure to find us on iTunes!

Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Chicago Bears


Hello 12th People, and welcome to another Blue Friday. Today marks the third installment of our weekly preview on the Seahawks’ 2015 opponents. Our subject on this particular Friday: the Chicago Bears.

The Chicago Bears. My god, are they bad. This might very well be the worst team in the NFL, which may come as a shock to some of you since it wasn’t that long ago the Bears were actually decent. But man oh man, have they found ways to make themselves shitty the past couple seasons.

Let’s start from the top.

Following the 2012 campaign, the Bears fired head coach Lovie Smith, who didn’t totally suck. Rather than hire a better version of Smith to lead them, Chicago panicked and snagged Marc Trestman from the CFL. That’s right, Canada. They hired a quarterbacks guru from football’s minor leagues and expected it to work out. Naturally, it did not.

Continue reading Know Your F@#%ing Opponent: Chicago Bears

Karate Emergency Episode 2.3: Pulling Back the Curtain


Kam Chancellor is back! But what does it mean for the Seahawks? And how about the 12th Man? Will all the #BlockedByKam fans be vindicated on Twitter? We investigate this and more.

In other news, we check in on Kelly’s dating life and the amazing Zack Morris-esque feat she pulled off on Friday. Plus a little venting on the Chinese president and a news story straight from the Steve Sarkisian school of expense reporting.

Karate Emergency, episode 3: Check it out!

Breakdown Breakdown: Dissecting Video of Bob & Jenks


Special thanks to The Seattle Times for posting video of our special friends, Bob Condotta and Jayson Jenks, Seahawks beat writers. We’ll periodically review their video breakdowns and provide analysis here. We call it “Breakdown Breakdown.” Enjoy.

0:00 – Bob and Jenks come to you live from a wetland.

0:07 – Jenks doesn’t know what to do with his hands. He’s also holding the mic weird. It’s not a salad fork. You can grab that thing like you mean it.

0:12 – Bob enters the conversation at 12 seconds. He’s the most 12.

Also, he dressed up for this and I’m not sure you people appreciate that enough. He’s sans hoodie, for one thing. What if it rains? Bob is willing to go hoodless and put his hair at risk for the good of this video. He’s usually clothed in weather-adaptable attire, but not today. Today he’s adorned in a charcoal sweater straight from Mossimo’s 1999 boy band music video collection. I own a similar sweater and, when paired with a spritz of PoloSport, it can be quite the aphrodisiac for thirty-somethings.

Continue reading Breakdown Breakdown: Dissecting Video of Bob & Jenks