This is stupid. Everyone is getting worked up over a goddamn flag. And not some flag that speaks to a powerful political agenda or anything like that. A stupid, stupid flag that bears the logo of Washington State University.
Now don’t get me wrong. I get why people are a little testy over this flag. Fact is, Cougars and Huskies are conditioned to despise each other. We’re rivals. It’s alleged that we don’t get along. And so it’s understandable why Husky fans, like myself, would bristle at the thought of Cougar fans raising their big, ugly flag on the Washington campus come Saturday morning, flying it in honor of a tradition (a tradition that’s been made fun of, mind you) that’s lasted a decade on the set of ESPN Gameday.
I’ll admit I’ve gone back and forth on this issue. At first I thought it’d be humorous to needle the Cougs a bit, stir up some shit and make them lose a little sleep while they pondered how, exactly, they’d get that flag safely onto campus later this week. But then I saw the unadulterated hate that flowed from the keyboards of Husky fans over this flag, fans who were prepared to all but kill people over menial garbage. Likewise, a good number of these very same, very angry Husky fans have gone and wished ill will unto other Husky fans because those Husky fans, you see, aren’t prepared to throw down in fisticuffs over, again, a flag.
Of course, this shitshow of human degeneration is a two-way street. There are Cougar fans out there ready to exchange blows with Huskies over a flag, too. And likewise Cougar fans upset with other Cougar fans who aren’t ready to defend an aesthetically-unpleasing (my opinion) piece of nylon at all costs. Are you prepared to sacrifice for this flag? Are you prepared to give up everything – your family, your home, your career, your life – for this flag? How far are you willing to go to prove your allegiance to your school? You can’t be a real fan unless you are ready to die – TO DIE! – for your team.
How stupid does all this sound? I feel stupid writing it. We are all dumber for having to address this. There are rivalries and then there are dipshit assholes who want to go outside and commit assault – which is a crime, keep in mind – for something they think they believe in. This is mind-numbingly ridiculous.
On top of all that, the guys responsible for waving that Cougar flag claim that this is their life’s “destiny.” Really? Your destiny? Most people cite love or family or making the world a better place their destiny. If waving a flag each week for a quarter of the year is really your destiny, well, I’d ask you to reevaluate your lives. This is the ultimate First-World Problem you face each Saturday, ensuring a flag gets raised, carrying out such a glorifying task, but destiny? Really? Okay, George McFly. Whatever.
Anyway, these guys need this. So bad. (You can see how seriously they take this over on their Facebook page.) If that flag doesn’t go up each week, god knows what happens to these two dudes. Hearts stop, tears are shed, destinies unfulfilled. They’re willing to risk their personal well-being (which is some combination of noble and stupid) to get this flag up. So be it. I urge you not to be as noble-stupid in risking your own well-being to prevent that flag from seeing the light of day.
It’s not worth it, people. It’s a flag. And if you get your ass arrested trying to stop some tradition, no one is going to remember you for it. They just won’t. And outside the little bubble that is this Washington-Washington State rivalry, you’ll be vilified, if anything. You’ll get the Deadspin treatment, you’ll be portrayed as an angry, drunken crazy person, and you’ll turn the Huskies – yes, the Huskies – into the bad guy. Think it through. Try to put all this into a greater perspective. This really doesn’t matter as much as you think it does. Saturday should be about Husky Football; about a game we’re playing against our other hated rival, the Oregon Ducks; and about celebrating all that in front of a national audience that wants to see what the University of Washington has to offer.
Finally, if you’re looking for a way to express your displeasure over the Cougar flag being anywhere near the Washington campus, I urge you to draw up a purple-and-gold sign that reads “GOD HATES FLAGS” with a big WSU logo between the word “HATES” and the word “FLAGS.” I think that’s pretty fucking clever and I realize you might not agree, but I don’t really care. I keep myself entertained all day long with moronic thoughts like these and that’s what really matters. Screw you if you don’t like it.