The Mariners Suck

howchuckFirst of all, let me be clear: this isn’t JUST about Josh Hamilton. Sure, the Mariners were rumored to be in the hunt for the services of the 31-year-old outfielder. And yes, they failed miserably in their quest to land him. But come on. Let’s be real here. Did anyone really, truly believe the Mariners had the wherewithal to sign a free agent of Hamilton’s ilk? The most coveted free agent of the 2012-2013 class? No. We didn’t believe it. We might have hoped. We might have prayed. But we didn’t believe. Because we can’t believe. Believing requires faith. And the Seattle Mariners have destroyed ALL our faith in recent years. They are Lindsay Lohan behind the wheel and we, their fans, are reluctant passengers. This will not end well. We know it won’t end well. But we hope and pray that it WILL end well. Ultimately, our hopes and our prayers go unanswered.

The Mariners are murderers of happiness. You wake up one morning full of blissful ignorance, stupidly giddy over nothing at all, and then the team you love with all your foolish, little heart comes and craps on your day with remarkable aplomb. Why do they do that? Why do we let them? These are questions no one has answers to.

This has been going on for years. Decades, even. The M’s have let us down, let us down, and let us down again. We are the wives who watch our husbands come home from work each day, toss their briefcases aside, crack a beer, and sit on the couch in silence, doing nothing at all. They don’t pay attention to us. They don’t acknowledge our existence. They don’t take us nice places. They don’t buy us nice things. There’s no reason for us to be together. We should get a divorce. We should! These are irreconcilable differences. There’s no spark. There’s no zest. There is seemingly nothing. There is just this thing holding us together. This thing you can’t describe, really. It’s not love so much as it’s the hope that love exists. We hope there’s something there. And even as we are disappointed time and time again, we continue to wait for our hopes to be rewarded. We are buffoons.

It’s not the failure itself that bothers us. It’s the way they fail. They fail for lack of trying. It’d be one thing if the Mariners front office was falling short in amazingly spectacular fashion. Throwing millions and millions of dollars at wise investments only to watch each and every one of those investments crash and burn like the Hindenburg. But no. They refuse to put forth much effort at all. They carefully calculate their decisions before f**king them all up. They are beggars who choose. They constantly seem to be in search of the prototypical player. They are the people who shop at Wal-Mart looking for bargains, then bitch and moan when their 99-cent headphones don’t provide Bose quality. They are the fat, ugly bastard living in denial who refuses to date any woman short of Cindy Crawford. It is ridiculous to believe that they can get what they want when what they want apparently does not exist.

They are the girl who has been burned by two or three jerks who, as a result, gives up on men altogether. They threw money at Richie Sexson, Adrian Beltre, Chone Figgins. It didn’t pay off. Their recent free agent signees turned out to be busts. So now, they won’t even go after the big names that command big money contracts. They’ll spend a couple pennies on scrap heap material. They’ll take their chances on a decrepit Jason Bay, like it’s 2005 or something. But they won’t pay the cornerstones they need to build a franchise around. They refuse to do that. They’ll date low-risk, safe guys only. No taking chances here. Not Seattle. Safety first in Seattle.

And to top it all off — to top it ALL off, as if this hasn’t been enough — they treat us like shit. Like we’re naive dumbasses that don’t know jack about baseball. Naturally, that behavior is epitomized by our team president, Chuck Armstrong, and team CEO, Howard Lincoln. Every time I see Howard or Chuck on my TV, I notice those annoying little half-smirks on their faces, as if we couldn’t POSSIBLY do their jobs as well as they think they can. Every time I hear their voices on my radio, every time I see their quotes in print, I imagine those half-smirks. Every time I so much as THINK about those two bumbling idiots, I envision those half-smirks. And at the end of the day, all those half-smirks add up. Those dickheads treat us like children. Like we wouldn’t know shit if it landed in our toilet. They patronize us. It’s disgusting. Flat-out disgusting. There is ZERO respect for the Seattle Mariners fan base from the men who run the team. They could not care less about us. And that pains me to the utmost degree. Because we want to love the Mariners so, so, SO badly. But they don’t care. They don’t care about loving us in return. Assholes. They’re assholes.

When I look back on the twilight of the Howard Lincoln-Chuck Armstrong Seattle Mariner regime, I’ll remember all the shit they put us through. Bad trades, half-assed attempts at landing free agents, zero effort to improve the product on the field. And of course, their wholehearted desire to stop an arena from being built in their own backyard. It’s the only thing they’ve passionately devoted themselves to. If they cared half as much about their ballclub as they do striking down an effort to improve the lives of Seattle sports fans in this region, we’d already have a few World Series banners hanging in the Safeco Field rafters. But alas, they don’t give a damn about us. They suck. They just suck.

Here’s a suggestion to Chris Hansen and all those individuals working diligently to get a multi-purpose sports arena built in the SoDo neighborhood: disguise your arena as a big-ticket free agent or a loyal M’s fan. If you do that, the Mariners are sure to turn a blind eye.

 

25 responses

  1. Last weekend I toured SAFCO Field. One of the most depressing things I’ve ever seen (I’ve been to remote villages in Central America and Africa where young girls are still given away by their fathers and brothers and uncles; traded for livestock and grain.). None of this was as depressing as seeing the Ms owner’s box decrorated with pictures of Yankees and luxury box doors with the names of Yankees. Ms are farm team for the Yankees – go on the SAFECO Field tour if don’t believe me.

  2. The Mariners are a franchise frozen in time. Not by the fans, who desperately want to move forward, but by Howard and Chuck, who are still sucking every last drop out of 1995 and the good times that followed. Sports fans were happy to be suckered into building a shrine to the 1995 Era (Safeco and the art and banners you see inside). Then those two sat back to “rest and vest.” Much like Roger Goodell, they don’t answer to fans, players, coaches or anyone else who truly cares about the sport. They answer to the spreadsheets and bank statements poured out before them. And those spreadsheets aren’t complaining. In fact, the only complaints being heard around Safeco’s executive hallways these days are about a project don the street moving forward in time by an ownership group the sports fan community adores.

  3. First of all, he wasn’t the most coveted free agent of the class, Zack Greinke was. Good try on the hyperbole, though.

    Second, the Mariners DID try and sign Josh Hamilton, so this whole non-trying argument is so wrong and so cliched that it’s ridiculous. Rob Parker said more realistic things today than you did. That should make you feel like an idiot.

    Third, this is the same fuck face who wrote that Ryan Rowland-Smith clearly didn’t care because he tweeted about a concert. If it wasn’t for the fact that this was a blog that a few hundred people visit a day, that probably would have gotten you fired. OH! But it was voted the best buy Evening Magazine. What, was Northwest Afternoon too busy? This is like being the best article on Bleacher Report. See? I can make crappy ass similes, too! (Lindsay Lohan? Seriously? Is this 2008?)

    But don’t worry, your obsession with Ryan Divish will get you a few views and make sure that you don’t get criticized too much by anyone. Except for me. Divish is good, you’re fucking awful.

  4. Great article. Loved it! Thank you. Now, lets burn Safeco to the ground.

  5. Jesus :

    First of all, he wasn’t the most coveted free agent of the class, Zack Greinke was. Good try on the hyperbole, though.

    Second, the Mariners DID try and sign Josh Hamilton, so this whole non-trying argument is so wrong and so cliched that it’s ridiculous. Rob Parker said more realistic things today than you did. That should make you feel like an idiot.

    Third, this is the same fuck face who wrote that Ryan Rowland-Smith clearly didn’t care because he tweeted about a concert. If it wasn’t for the fact that this was a blog that a few hundred people visit a day, that probably would have gotten you fired. OH! But it was voted the best buy Evening Magazine. What, was Northwest Afternoon too busy? This is like being the best article on Bleacher Report. See? I can make crappy ass similes, too! (Lindsay Lohan? Seriously? Is this 2008?)

    But don’t worry, your obsession with Ryan Divish will get you a few views and make sure that you don’t get criticized too much by anyone. Except for me. Divish is good, you’re fucking awful.

    Thanks for reading. Dick.

  6. Alex :

    Jesus :
    First of all, he wasn’t the most coveted free agent of the class, Zack Greinke was. Good try on the hyperbole, though.
    Second, the Mariners DID try and sign Josh Hamilton, so this whole non-trying argument is so wrong and so cliched that it’s ridiculous. Rob Parker said more realistic things today than you did. That should make you feel like an idiot.
    Third, this is the same fuck face who wrote that Ryan Rowland-Smith clearly didn’t care because he tweeted about a concert. If it wasn’t for the fact that this was a blog that a few hundred people visit a day, that probably would have gotten you fired. OH! But it was voted the best buy Evening Magazine. What, was Northwest Afternoon too busy? This is like being the best article on Bleacher Report. See? I can make crappy ass similes, too! (Lindsay Lohan? Seriously? Is this 2008?)
    But don’t worry, your obsession with Ryan Divish will get you a few views and make sure that you don’t get criticized too much by anyone. Except for me. Divish is good, you’re fucking awful.

    Thanks for reading. Dick.

    You’re so welcome. These two page views probably made you like twenty cents so, more power to you.

  7. Wow, Jesus needs to…..find Jesus….simmer down killer. The Mariners are horrible, and they’ll stay horrible for as long as we let them by not effecting their bank statements. Lets sell out Tacoma Raineers games and leave Safeco empty.

  8. I have a general policy to not argue with idiots on the internet — particularly ones I don’t know. But Alex tapped into a giant frustration a lot of us were feeling today, and it has to do with the combination of team-building ineptitude and cockblocking the next incarnation of the team that most big Mariners fans also love — the Sonics.

    So, “Jesus”, while you root around missing the forest for the trees, complaining about stupid shit like Alex’s choice of similes (Lohan is in the news all the time for just the kind of thing he brings up here, but you wouldn’t know that since you live under a fucking rock) and the fact that this is a homespun project of passion (who’s gonna fire him, dumbass?), we’re all feeling a lot of anger toward the Mariners, a team we really love, and you don’t get it at all.

    Your points are idiotic.

    1. Nobody around here cares about Greinke. The Mariners aren’t going after starting pitching. Everybody that reads this or cares about the Mariners cares about getting a hitter. For anything at all that matters related to this article, Hamilton’s the biggest FA on the market.

    2. Trying isn’t enough. The Mariners try to win 162 games every season. There’s trying, and then there’s succeeding and making something happen.

    3. Who the hell cares. RRS sucks. It wasn’t my favorite article on SSN but only a moron would discount everything that somebody says in the future because they didn’t like one article.

    Go fuck yourself. Lincoln and Armstrong too.

  9. Jesus is right. Hamilton’s contract would almost certainly have been bad for the Mariners, just as it probably will be for the Angels. Also, screw hitting. Sure, hitting help you win, but so do pitching and defense. The M’s have made some good moves since Bavasi was run out of town. Not all of them paid off, but some have and some will. Remember the Cliff Lee trade? Actually, two good Cliff Lee trades.

    Swisher and Bourn are both still available and good. And cheaper, leaving more money to spend on another good piece if it becomes available. Some folks should try reading USS Mariner or Lookout Landing. It would be good to learn about baseball before opining on it.

  10. Seattle Mariners are worse than the US Congress!

  11. No, Jesus is right, this is an overreaction. Some of his insults about the RRS comments and the “this is just a blog” are unwarranted, but his overall point stands. It’s absurd of the author to suggest that the Mariners didn’t make a legitimate offer for Hamilton (industry rumor has it they offered four years at one point, which is higher than TEX, PHI, NYY, or BOS were willing to go). Sometimes you fail to sign a player not because you “don’t care about winning” but because you don’t feel he can live up to his contract. Evidently the Mariners don’t think Hamilton is worth what he’s getting from the Angels, not by a long shot–and evidently the Rangers, Phillies, Red Sox and Yankees agree. It’s equally reactionary for the author to state as fact that the Mariners won’t pursue any other players this offseason.

    “Hi Hater”, you’re wrong–the Mariners are indeed looking for a starting pitcher. We’ve heard Jack Z talk about it in interviews, and it makes sense. The worst regular on the Mariners right now is Blake Beavan, not any of the hitters. Obviously the offense needs help too, but pitching is a lot bigger of a priority than people give it credit for and I personally would rather the Mariners have signed Greinke to the contract he got from LAD than Hamilton to the contract he got from LAA.

    Look, for the price of Josh Hamilton you can get Nick Swisher AND Edwin Jackson. I don’t think it can be reasonably argued that Hamilton would be a bigger upgrade for this team than that pair would, and those guys are both still on the market. Before we freak out and go on anti-Mariners rants, let’s show some restraint, have a little patience, and wait until the offseason is over.

    If Opening Day rolls around and the Mariners have done nothing to improve their major league product, Alex will be right. The Mariners will have royally cocked things up, again. Until then, save your tears of anguish. If Jack Z signs Swisher or trades for Upton in two weeks this article is going to look real stupid, and you have no evidence that he won’t do either of those.

    By the way, Alex, I’m the guy you reported on Twitter. I do admit that my initial reaction to your article was, like Jesus’, too incendiary. Sorry about that. I’ve been annoyed by a whole bunch of M’s fans overreacting all day to missing out on one old, hacking, overpaid and injury-prone hitter and your article seemed like the epitome of such overreaction. I shouldn’t have taken my annoyance with the general population of M’s fans out on you. (Though the midget assault joke WAS really offensive). Let’s move on, OK?

  12. Oh Jesus. Please show us the light… No, wait. Instead of just bashing the author, why not back your “arguments” up? Go ahead…post a link to your own blog, or other place where you put your thoughts and feelings on the line. I would love to tell you what a piece of shit you are for telling us how you feel. Honestly, I respect a person who isn’t afraid to voice an opinion. I respect any reader who comes to this website to tell that person they’re wrong with valid points or references…or even one that leaves a simple “Hey, I think you’re wrong” type of comment. We all have an opinion, after all, and freedom of speech can be a beautiful thing. However, I will show absolutely no respect for you; a person that seems to hold a grudge against this author, who obviously hit a nerve at some point in your life over these last few years. Let me guess…you are the husband whose wife wants a divorce because you’ve ultimately created those irreconcilable differences…or maybe you’re the fat, ugly bastard that refuses to date anything less than a supermodel. I’ve read many comments disagreeing with content on this site, but never have I felt the need to call out a douchebag such as yourself. Good for you if you were looking for a reaction. You got it. I hope you feel like you’ve accomplished something in life. You’re probably going to lash out at me, or just give me a one-liner about making more money for this website. Cool, whatever. Your wife still hates you and/or the girl that’s out of your league still won’t give you the time of day (and I can guarantee that’s due to a personality issue over any physical challenge you may have). Rant over, moving on… As for the article itself, let me just tell my own story. In a previous break-up, my ex (who was breaking it off with me) asked if he could show up later in life to try and win me back, even if I was with someone else. (Yeah, I know that sounds weird, but at the time it made sense) We agreed that he would have to perform some amazing “magic tricks” for me to even consider going back. Well, he never came back to win me over, and I am really not worried about anything like that going forward with my future relationships, since we have both moved on over the years. My point is, boyfriends & girlfriends are replaceable. However, beloved sports teams are not as easily replaceable. I refuse to find a different team to follow just because the Mariners have sucked recently, but I do feel betrayed and “broken up with” by the organization since my college days 10 years ago. It’s come to that point that my ex thought might come…In order to win us back; the fans, the ex’s; they need to perform “magic tricks.” They JUST had every opportunity with Hamilton. Someone COULD have pulled a rabbit out of a hat (it’s always possible)…but they failed again. I’m still going to be a good friend, a good fan of my Mariners baseball team…but if they want to win back my trust and my ticket money…I want those “magic tricks.”

  13. This post is exactly how I, and a lot of other M’s fans that I know, feel about the Mariners. I know that there are others who don’t agree, but the M’s have been losing games and fans faster than just about anyone, ever. Alex is right, it’s not just about Hamilton, it is the perception that they don’t try and compete. They do not make me feel like they are doing everything they can to improve the team. I hope they do something to change this perception before they become even less relevant than they are now, but I have very little confidence that they will. Please M’s, do something to make me think you care about winning.

    I also agree, Jesus(the poster not the religious figure) is being a dick.

  14. Signing Grienke would have been the absolute worst thing this organization could have done.
    The man is simply overpaid . He is not a top ten SP and is getting paid like he is the greatest pitcher in the league. If we signed Zack how do you think Felix would have felt being the 2nd highest paid pitcher on the team? There is no way we would have been able to afford both of them – so we would be effectively be downgrading our rotation to spend more money. Makes no sense.

  15. I will readily admit that the personal insults weren’t necessary. I apologize for those profusely. Happy holidays.

  16. I think Jesus needs a hug. He is a grumpy little shit isn’t he.

  17. TheMattHolt :
    I think Jesus needs a hug. He is a grumpy little shit isn’t he.

    There is nothing little about me, but I could use a hug, yes.

  18. My post on the M’s page on Facebook: “You guys at the M’s are a bunch of ignorant clowns with no brains at all! Not signing players and your anti arena stance! Take your whiny attitude and shove it!”

  19. Good thing Jesus’ birthday is this month!

  20. Jesus H. Christ, what a douche. You still probably support this steaming pile of shit of a franchi$e. The M’s could have offered him a 10-year deal and he still wouldn’t come here. And why is that? Because this franchise is a FUCKING MESS! Fuck, if I was a coveted free agent I wouldn’t sign here even if they offered me equity in the team and 2X what the next closest team was offering. Yes, sometimes it’s more than just about the money.

  21. Jesus (the poster) must be an employee of the Mariners organization.

    I agree with Alex’s write-up wholeheartedly. Fuck Lincoln and fuck Armstrong. I hate those smarmy pricks. Right now, I root for the team on the field, the players, but I hate the Mariners as an organization, if that makes sense. I’ve always been a huge Mariners fan, Seahawks, Huskies, Sonics — all Seattle sports in general. Historically, I love the Mariners as I love all the Seattle teams. But I find myself really, really hating the Mariners organization right now to the point where I pretty much don’t want to support them right now. I don’t see myself heading to Safeco in 2013 and it pains me to say that.

    It’s disgusting to see this crap front office resting on the laurels of a few seasons long in the past. Love Edgar, love Buhner as every M’s fan does, but I can’t help but being cynical when I see the Mariners organization bring those guys out for promotion. They have nothing current to promote.

    Unlike the Sonics, the Mariners aren’t going anywhere. We still have a viable baseball stadium. Force the ownership group to sell and push Lincoln/Armstrong out immediately. Thanks for buying the club 20 years ago, Yamauchi. It was appreciated at the time. But you’ve long overstayed your welcome.

  22. Michael :
    Signing Grienke would have been the absolute worst thing this organization could have done.
    The man is simply overpaid . He is not a top ten SP and is getting paid like he is the greatest pitcher in the league. If we signed Zack how do you think Felix would have felt being the 2nd highest paid pitcher on the team? There is no way we would have been able to afford both of them – so we would be effectively be downgrading our rotation to spend more money. Makes no sense.

    Right, because Hamilton’s not overpaid at all. What in God’s name are you blathering on about? You think the Mariners wouldn’t have money for both Greinke and Felix? But the Mariners WOULD have money for both Felix and Hamilton? If overpaying a 29-year-old ace with no injury history to come replace Blake Beavan and be the second best pitcher on the staff would have been a bad move, overpaying a 31-year old slugger with a HUGE injury history to come replace Casper Wells would have been way, WAY worse. If you didn’t want a Greinke signing there’s no rational reason for you to have wanted a Hamilton signing.

  23. Mariners SUCK!! Mariners SUCK!! Mariners SUCK!! Mariners SUCK!! This franchise leads me to want to do something I always thought unthinkable……adopt another team as my own. As a lifelong Seattlite I’ve always taken great pride in my city and teams, regardless of record. But with the disregard the M’s have shown for their fans I’m just about ready to to say screw it and follow and support some other team, like, I dunno, the Angels? And quit screwing with Chris Hansen!!

  24. Two things:

    1. The m’s do have the best farm system in the majors. Couldn’t say that for a long time. Mike Z will be the best player on this team in 2 seasons.

    2. M’s roster for all intensive purposes is insanely young. Out best hitters are only 2 years out of college/minors. In a day where society is all about instant gratification we as m’s fans need to breathe.

    Lincoln and Armstrong do suck. They only care about marketing and the all mighty dollar. And that is sad as an m’s fan. I don’t feel they care about us, see raising ticket prices in this economy with a bad franchise. I hope they retire soon (wont be fired by a non exaistant owner). But I do have faith and patience that these young guys will come through in the end as good players. Jacky Z is doing it the way of the brewers, rays, and a’s, by not over paying for free agents (we are not the Yankees!) and building the farm system.

    It’s a philosophical way of building a team and it doesn’t satisfy right away. In the long it will work out. But maybe because I’m a coug I probably have the patience some other seattlites don’t. Lol

  25. Did someone actually say the “2 good Cliff Lee trades”?…

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