So we go to this liquor store today to buy Crown Royal. There’s a history with Husky football tailgates, my friends, and Crown Royal. First of all, Crown comes in purple-and-gold packaging, so there’s that. Secondly, we are undefeated (1-0) in bowl games that we bring Crown to, which is also quite important. Long story short, we go out of our way to bring Crown Royal to games and there’s a very limited track record that tells us this is a good idea.
Anyway, we get to Twin Liquors in San Antonio, find our desired purchase, and make our way to the cash register to pay. The following conversation then ensues:
When I was in middle school, I suffered the misfortune of enduring a horizontal growth spurt, rather than a vertical one. My grandma called it “a phase,” which was fairly accurate, except the “phase” ended up lasting four years. During that time, there was no denying that I was what one might call husky. Or, to put it more bluntly, chubby. So chubby, in fact, that I claimed former University of Connecticut point guard Khalid El-Amin — who was also quite rotund — as my favorite basketball player.
The association with El-Amin only paid dividends one time in my entire life. I was in seventh grade, sitting in Spanish class working on some sort of group project, when the girl I had a huge crush on asked me if I knew the name of UConn’s portly little superstar. I looked around first to make sure she wasn’t talking to someone else, then picked my jaw up off the ground and managed to stutter, “Uh, you mean, uh, Khalid El-Amin?”
Oh, hey, look at this. An anonymous sports fan emailed the good people over at Q13 Fox with a request to send our favorite sportscaster to the Alamo Bowl. No, not Carlos del Valle, Rod Simons, or Gaard Swanson — See what I did right there? Went retro on you — but Erin Hawksworth, who is clearly better looking than all three of those other guys (sorry Carlos, Rod, and Gaard).
The anonymous email happened to fall into my lap and I’ve taken the liberty of reprinting it for all of you to see. Because as a Husky fan myself, I wholeheartedly support the “Send Erin to the Alamo Bowl” movement. For obvious reasons.
Again, we have no idea who wrote this. It’s blatantly anonymous.
Hi there,
As a concerned Husky Football fan, I’m writing to convince you to send Erin Hawksworth to the Alamo Bowl. You’re probably asking yourself why, in these tough economic times, you should consider sending Erin to the Alamo Bowl at all. That’s a fantastic question which I plan to answer. You’re probably also asking yourself why you shouldn’t send Aaron Levine. Also a great question which I will address. Without consuming too much of your time, let’s discuss the importance of this decision.
It started out as a political movement, but has since morphed into the gigantic pain in everyone’s ass. Occupy Seattle was all fun and games when it had a purpose, a message, some direction, and didn’t f**k with our everyday lives. Since then, shit’s hit the fan and most of us are pissed.
This has been building for some time, of course. With each passing day, Occupy Seattle protestors continue to camp out in the midst of our fair city, turning the once-represented ninety-nine-percent into the completely-disenchanted ninety-nine-percent. We used to side with these people. But then they started messing with our travel commutes, blocking our streets, and just generally causing trouble. How trouble-making solves the problems we face on Wall Street is beyond me. All I know is a) it’s annoying, b) even my most liberal acquaintances are upset, and c) no rational person supports the spectacle of the movement any longer.
December 19th, 2004. I will never forget that day. I spent most of it outside, huddled under an awning extending forth from Hec Edmundson Pavilion. I was a student then, content to loiter for hours on end for a good seat at Husky basketball games.
The Huskies played North Carolina State that day. It was a Sunday. A 5:00 p.m. tip-off on the West Coast.
Just one year prior, the Dawgs had been on no one’s radar. They had been in the midst of a four-year stretch of futility that spanned two coaching regimes. But then they kicked off the 2004 calendar year by winning ballgames. And lo and behold, they returned to relevance by making the ’04 NCAA Tournament. Now here we were, nine months later, and Washington was in the early stages of their 2004-2005 season, ranked 18th in the nation, playing a meaningful game against a nationally-ranked opponent.
You may have heard the news. The California AngelsAnaheim Angels Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim have signed Albert Pujols and C.J. Wilson to free agent contracts. The best hitter in the game and one of the better pitchers in the game. Both Angels. Both playing in the American League West. Both direct competitors to your Seattle Mariners. What. The. F**k.
There will always be bad days. Maybe your dog passes away. Maybe you lose your job. Maybe you wake up one morning and find that reruns of Saved By The Bell have been removed from syndication. Bad days happen. They don’t usually happen like this, though…
We were blindsided. We woke up this morning, checked our computers, checked our phones, and there it was: Pujols signs with Angels. What? What?! What happened to the Marlins? What happened to the Cardinals? What about the Cubs, the motherf**kin’ lovable loser Cubs?! How? The Angels? Howwwwwwwww????!!!!
I have my own Wikipedia page now. My good friend Matt Holt decided to create it for me. We never thought Wikipedia would actually approve the thing. But lo and behold, it happened. This is a win for all of us average folks. If it can happen to me, it can happen to you. Wikipedia pages for all! America!!!
I didn’t get to go to the gym on Tuesday. The Huskies were taking on 11th-ranked Marquette in Madison Square Garden. I needed to watch. Husky Basketball takes priority over any workout I could possibly accomplish. But I couldn’t let the day go to waste. I had a bagel sandwich for breakfast, a sizable burrito for lunch, and around about snack time I killed some Chex Mix. That’s a lot of carbs for one day. And I am not one to let those carbs go to waste. So I took the logical step of creating my own workout plan. Or as I’m currently calling it, the Wroten Workout Plan, in honor of Tony Wroten, Jr.
I’m convinced that Marshawn Lynch is irreplaceable. I know. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Running backs are a dime a dozen in the NFL. Overpaying for a ball carrier is flat-out silly. They’re like iPods, those running backs. The battery life is short, and there’s seemingly a new version out every other year. Why waste your money on an old one when a fresher, cheaper, sleeker model is ready to come off the line as we speak?
It’s foolish, really. Marshawn Lynch should be replaceable. There should be a thousand Marshawn Lynches out there. Maybe they’re still in college. Maybe they’re on some other team’s practice squad. Maybe they’re backing up a Hall of Famer somewhere. But they should be around.
This year, 70 out of a total 120 NCAA Division I Football Bowl Subdivision (FBS) teams will be playing in a postseason bowl game. That’s 58.3-percent. A majority.
However, 50 out of 120 NCAA Division I FBS teams will NOT be playing in a postseason bowl game. That’s 41.7-percent. A minority.
The Washington State Cougars are part of the 41.7-percent. It’s time. Occupy Pullman.
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So we go to this liquor store today to buy Crown Royal. There’s a history with Husky football tailgates, my friends, and Crown Royal. First of all, Crown comes in purple-and-gold packaging, so there’s that. Secondly, we are undefeated (1-0) in bowl games that we bring Crown to, which is also quite important. Long story short, we go out of our way to bring Crown Royal to games and there’s a very limited track record that tells us this is a good idea.
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