Back when I was an undergrad at Washington, our athletic director was a guy by the name of Todd Turner. Skinny dude, glasses, kinda poindexterish. You may remember him.
Anyway, Turner resigned (read: got canned) in January, 2008 after four years on the job. He had presided over the worst era of Husky football in the program’s storied lineage, and as we all know, football drives the ship at most D-I schools.
When it came to the gridiron, Turner’s tenure was an epic failure for two big reasons.
For the past two months, one of my friends has been telling me all about the Princess Jasmine costume she’s planning on wearing for Halloween. She’s been hinting about this costume, teasing about this costume, to the point where everyone who knows about this costume is anxiously awaiting its arrival. She also happens to be ridiculously attractive, making the whole getup that much more appealing. At the same time, all this anticipation has kept the idea of All Hallows’ Eve fresh in my mind.
Halloween costumes are never an easy thing. October 31st seems to sneak up on you every year. Without proper preparation, you end up dressed as a hobo, a monster, or Dracula, all of which are ill-advised counterparts to the Princess Jasmines of the world.
That’s why I’m here to help. I’ve come up with 11 costume ideas you might find useful. As a Seattle sports fan, most of these should resonate with you. And if you manage to pull any of these looks off, you’ll be more successful at your Halloween party than any of our teams have been in 2011.
So without further ado, let’s get in the holiday spirit and start the trick or treating…
My friends and I were at the strip club the other night when I got around to some wishful thinking. Not about the women getting naked before my very eyes. I’m more or less immune to that. I don’t even go to strip clubs ever. We just happened to be there for a bachelor party.
Something about knowing that these women are willingly removing all their clothes without you even having to ask changes your mentality toward their complete lack of inhibition. So no, I was not doing any wishful thinking about the well-endowed brunette climbing up and down the pole, performing acrobatic gyrations at unsafe elevations. Okay, maybe a little. But mostly, it was other stuff.
After the fifth or sixth waitress emerged and asked us if we wanted drinks (non-alcoholic drinks, mind you…thanks, State of Washington), I couldn’t help but say aloud, “Why can’t we get service like this in a restaurant?”
My buddies laughed, but I was dead serious. Think about it. You go get a nice meal at a fine establishment and they rarely pay this much attention to you. You’re just another patron to them. But at the strip club? We weren’t even really spending money and they were all about the hospitality. You have to appreciate that. Even if they are just doing it for the cash. I get it. I’m weird. I know.
It is never easy being the first. Take, for instance, the first-born child. He naturally has it rougher than all his siblings. The parents are inexperienced, there’s no older brother or sister to rely on for advice, and all the trouble he gets into comes as a total shock to mom and dad.
Similarly, you could look to this very article for an example of a difficult first. This is our initial stab at the Morbidly Obese Game of the Week. What is the Morbidly Obese Game of the Week, you ask? It’s the answer to all those Big Games of the Week you’ve seen from your local TV sportscasters. Big Games of the Week are all well and good, but we can go bigger. That’s where the Morbidly Obese Game of the Week comes into play.
Inspiration comes in all shapes and sizes. Today, it just happened to come from my job. Weird, I know.
One week ago, my boss asked everyone in our company to come up with three things we do well at work. It was a simple task, but as the week wore on, those three things kept looming in the distance. Coming up with a trio of positives should not have been this difficult. Yet somehow, it was.
I’m not a bad worker. Not by any means. But I’d never actually sat down and thought about what I was proud of, related to work or otherwise. Fact is, we never take time to acknowledge those things that give us a great deal of pride. We’re so consumed by negativity in our everyday lives that we rarely focus on the good. We’re conditioned to believe that perfection is our goal and we can only improve. And yet there’s so much we have to celebrate, to be thankful for, to enjoy.
The winning game will receive a write-up and endless amounts of notoriety on the pages of this website. Not only that, but advanced metrics show that winners of polls such as this usually have greater success throughout life and breed better children. It’s science.
I hate refs. Hate them. I have never felt more passionate disdain for a certain species — and refs are arguably the lowest species on the face of the earth, just below amoebas — than that of which I feel for those devils in stripes.
My god. Did you see what they did to the Husky football team on Saturday? Did you see that? That was the true definition of injustice. Granted, there were other things the Huskies could have done to ensure victory — like play a little defense and cleanly field kickoffs, for starters — but there is absolutely no denying that the referees impacted the outcome of Nebraska’s victory over Washington.
Credit the Cornhuskers for taking advantage of afforded opportunities. Every time your opponent gets dicked by poor officiating, it’s up to you to capitalize on the moment. The refs opened the door for Big Red, and Big Red responded by walking right in.
It started with a simple thought when I was in the bathroom. I’ve found that most simple thoughts originate there. The bathroom has never inspired great debate, analytical dissemination, or even philosophical discussion. The bathroom, as it turns out, is perfect for simple thoughts.
These days it seems like every media outlet has a high school football Big Game of the Week. TV stations, newspapers, radio shows, the ice cream man, your next door neighbor, pedophiles. Everyone but local yokels like Seattle Sportsnet.
Well, that’s it! It’s time we had a Big Game of the Week, too. But our Big Game of the Week can’t be like everyone else’s. Oh no. They’d be expecting that. Our Game of the Week must be…bigger, much bigger. Obese! NO! Morbidly obese. Can’t get much bigger than that.
Every now and then some wayward soul actually asks me to write something for them. I’m certainly grateful for the opportunity, but have to question the judgment of the individual who extends the offer my way. Do you know who you’re dealing with here? Have you seen my Twitter feed?
All joking aside, I’m pleased to be a part of Yahoo Sports’ baseball coverage for the second straight year, and want to thank Kevin Kaduk of Yahoo’s Big League Stew blog for allowing me to write a unique end-of-year recap on your 2011 Seattle Mariners. Just like last year, I was given a specific format upon which to adhere. In 2010, I wrote a breakup letter to the team; in 2011, I was asked to channel my inner Richard Belding and give a detention lecture. It’s certainly different than your standard recaps and (hopefully) not boring.
If you’d like to check it out, you can go here to do so. As always, thanks for reading and supporting the website.
Uniforms are a hot topic in sports these days. Thanks to schools like the University of Maryland, it seems that everyone has an opinion on the advent of the athletic jersey.
Here at Seattle Sportsnet, we have our own thoughts on uniforms. Namely, we seek to improve them. Which is why we’re here today with 11 ways in which we plan to do that.
Because it starts with a plan and ends with action. We just happen to be lazier than most of you, so we’ll take care of the plan as long as you act on it. Are we good? Okay, cool.
Let’s do this.
11. Wear more pink
Unless we’re fighting breast cancer or honoring one of the Care Bears, it seems like pink is completely jettisoned from all uniform designs. My question: Why?
A few years ago, something remarkable happened. The Isaiah Stanback jersey that I had been wearing to Husky football games throughout college suddenly changed, and in its place was…a Chris Izbicki jersey. Needless to say, my purple No. 4 replica ended up stashed deep in the back of the closet.
It’s a funny thing about college football. Uniform numbers turn over from year to year, taking a memorable digit to a complete unknown from spring to fall.
In the case of my Stanback jersey, it’s not that I was worried about people mistaking me for a Chris Izbicki fan (which I most certainly wasn’t). It’s that I simply didn’t want to invite the jokes that would come along with the number. Stanback wasn’t legendary enough to be recognized as the one and only No. 4. And Izbicki, as it turned out, wasn’t even mediocre enough to dispel memories of Stanback. So it was that No. 4 faded into the mist.
Hey. I’d really appreciate it if you voted for Seattle Sportsnet in KING 5′s Best of Western Washington poll. Not because I’m asking you to. But because you actually think we’re the best. If you don’t think that, feel free to vote for someone else. Or don’t vote at all. I don’t really feel comfortable asking you to do things on my behalf. You already do a lot just by coming here and reading. So here’s the most passive plea for your votes you’ll ever encounter.
However, I will say that if SSN wins Best Sports Blog of Western Washington, I’ll give everyone who voted for me a hug. Think about that. The promise of a hug. That’s something money can’t buy.
Voting ends on October 9th. Thank you, as always, for checking this out and supporting the website!
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Back when I was an undergrad at Washington, our athletic director was a guy by the name of Todd Turner. Skinny dude, glasses, kinda poindexterish. You may remember him.
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