Seattle Sportsnet

Here are some parting gifts for enduring one of the worst games in basketball history. Whether you’re a downtrodden Husky fan or a joyous Cougar fan, you need to know that Helen Keller called and mentioned how freakin’ happy she was that she couldn’t witness what took place in Hec Edmundson Pavilion on Sunday night. That’s all. Let’s go.

*Editor’s note: Correction. Keller Morse Coded it to me. Obviously.

Parting Gift No. 1: The Most Egregious Call In The Entire World

If you watched the game, you know what call I’m talking about. The continuation and-one on DeAngelo Casto early in the second half. That call was so amazingly horrible that it managed to stand out from the usual crap we’re used to seeing from Pac-10 officials.

Yes, the Huskies played absolutely horrible. And no, they did not deserve to win that game. Similarly, that one call did not directly impact the outcome of the contest.

Read more…

Dawg Pack Dirt: WSU

Volume 7, Issue 13, February 27, 2011

Special to Seattle Sportsnet

Written by dedicated Dawg Pack members

The game:

-Washington State Cougars (17-10) @ Washington Huskies (19-8).

-Alaska Airlines Arena at Hec Edmundson Pavilion, Seattle, Wash.

-Sunday, February 27, 2011 7:00 p.m. PST.

Read more…

There’s really no nice way to spin this. It hurts. The Zombie Sonics obtaining a Husky legend? It’s the absolute twisting of the knife.

I hope Clay Bennett walks outside his residence today and gets hit by a bus.

I hope Nate goes and tears it up in OKC.

I hope David Stern gets kicked in the balls.

That is all.

Nate should be a Sonic right now. Bring back our team.

A lot of people think the Mariners might suck this year, and chances are they’re probably right. But you know what, there’s no way to tell how sucky this team may be until the season plays out, which leaves a big gaping hole of doubt right now.

That said, the one thing we do know about your 2011 Seattle Mariners is that they’re currently boring as sh*t. That might even be an understatement. They’re the equivalent of Stephen Hawking reading the nutrition facts off a box of bran flakes while you watch C-Span and wear beige. It’s that mind-numbingly bad.

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time — one week ago, to be exact — I tried to write an article on this year’s M’s. I sat down and couldn’t do it. Not at all. Being the diligent professional that I am, I went back and took another stab at it the following day. And failed once again. In fact, I’ve been trying to write something about this team for the past seven freakin’ days and I can’t do it. Because there are no story lines there. No exciting story lines, at least.

Read more…

Click here to listen.

I’ll be honest. We’re only a few episodes away from me needing a Roman numeral chart to properly title these blurbs. Hopefully they have an AltaVista translator for that sorta thing.

“¿Cómo se dice ’27′ en Romano numeros?”

You’re probably wondering why I typed that in Spanish. Or rather, Spanglish. I don’t know. I just figured AltaVista translator would be able to make better sense of it if I did that. I also just typed AltaVista.com into my nav bar to see if their website still exists. It does. But it’s kind of like Adam Morrison’s NBA career. You tend to forget it exists, but when you finally remember, you have a “Holy sh*t!” moment and giggle a little bit.

Read more…

This is Bartolo Colon. You may remember him as a professional athlete who used to more closely resemble a human being.

We haven’t seen Bartolo in a couple years, but it appears that he has now consumed a second helping of whatever it is he consumed the first time he became engorged (probably a small child or a midget).

The Yankees — yes, the New York Yankees — are auditioning Colon for the team’s currently-vacant fifth starter role. Hell of a back-end anchor, this man. Could probably sink an entire ship, in fact.

This is just a reminder to all you Mariners fans out there that it could be worse. We could be shelling out millions of dollars for the post-game spread and a Jabba the Hutt lookalike. But we’re not. So, you know…Believe Big.

Rumors are circulating that the Sacramento Kings may be leaving the California state capitol as early as this year. Their most likely relocation destination? Anaheim, where they would play in the NBA-ready Honda Center, formerly (and more familiarly) known as Arrowhead Pond. The Honda Center is currently home to the NHL’s Anaheim Ducks. The Ducks have played their games at the Honda Center since the team’s inception in 1993.

Now I know what you’re thinking. Anaheim is damn near Los Angeles. And Los Angeles, as you may have heard, already plays host to two teams in the National Basketball Association, the Clippers and the Lakers. If this migration were to go down then, the Greater Los Angeles area would have three — yes, three — NBA franchises at its disposal. The Greater Seattle area, meanwhile, would still have zero. I mean, L.A. is a great city and all, don’t get me wrong. But do they really need ten-percent of the league’s teams? All while Seattle puts up a goose egg on that pie chart? Seems a little f**ked up to me.

Read more…

Click here for today’s “Around The Blogosphere” video.

Whooooaaaaaa. What the f**k is going on? Geoff has ditched the night owl look for casual sleepwear. We hardly know this man anymore. That, plus the bags under the eyes, the completely ungelled hair…I feel like I should be doing the walk of shame away from my laptop screen.

Odds that Geoff isn’t wearing pants right now? I’d say 1.2-to-1.

Around about the two-minute mark, Geoff offers some commentary on city night life. Free lunch to the first person that gets video of Geoff making it rain at the club. Free dinner, as well, if you put the video in slow motion and set it to Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls.

Read more…

Forty-one years of history.

Two All-Star Game MVPs (Lenny Wilkens, 1971; Tom Chambers, 1987).

Three All-NBA First Team selections (Spencer Haywood, 1972 and 1973; Gus Williams, 1982; Gary Payton, 1998 and 2000).

Seven All-NBA Second Team selections (Spencer Haywood, 1974 and 1975; Dennis Johnson, 1980; Gus Williams, 1980; Shawn Kemp, 1994, 1995, and 1996; Gary Payton, 1995, 1996, 1997, 1999, and 2002; Vin Baker, 1998; Ray Allen, 2005).

Three All-NBA Third Team selections (Dale Ellis, 1989; Gary Payton, 1994 and 2001; Detlef Schrempf, 1995).

Read more…

A live collection of timely thoughts on the Washington-Arizona men’s basketball game.

3:01 p.m. – Good news, Husky fans. I found a 16-ounce PBR in my fridge with expiration date Feb. 21, 2011. Absolutely fantastic.

3:04 p.m. – Oregon sucks.

3:08 p.m. – Yeah, I had it on FSN for the past couple minutes…

3:09 p.m. – You wouldn’t expect a state like Arizona to have a whiteout.

3:10 p.m. – How many Latinos you think are in McKale Center right now? I’ll set the over-under at 3.5.

3:11 p.m. – Jesse Perry’s shooting form is hideous. But he looks like ‘roided out Larry Fitzgerald, so it’s okay.

3:12 p.m. – Kyle Fogg’s long arms get him in trouble on that foul. Three shots coming for Isaiah.

Read more…

The other day I was on Facebook and discovered Mark Zuckerberg’s latest ejaculation: the “Questions” feature. So I created a poll and asked a question: Who is the best looking member of Karate Emergency?

Obviously, this is a really important question. More important than whatever it is you’re currently doing. So you should probably go vote on it. There’s even a picture of all four members of the show, in case you’ve been wondering why we’ve been relegated to radio when porn would probably be a better venue for our collective sensuality. I’ve reproduced the picture above. From left to right, we have Josh, Ashley, Divish, and this guy.

Read more…

Click here for today’s “Around The Blogosphere” video.

As you can see, despite attempts to casually move away from the painting to his left (our right), the painting is clearly inching its way closer towards Geoff. It’s only a matter of time now…

It has become apparent that Geoff is under the impression that only two colors look good on him: charcoal and black.

Ladies, Geoff has done you a solid today by undoing another button on his shirt. If you look closely, you can even see some chest pubes poking out there. I figured Geoff to be a waxer. It does not appear that that’s the case.

Read more…

Click here for today’s “Around The Blogosphere” video.

As evidenced by today’s attire, Geoff is either just getting back from or just about to head to the club.

The black shirt he’s donning is probably not very good at repelling sunlight, hence might not be the right choice for the Peoria weather. However, as it is still February, if a cooler day is in store, it is my opinion that this may be a good choice for Geoff.

If I had to guess, I would say that the shirt was made by Geoffrey Beene.

Read more…

Click here to listen.

On this week’s edition of Karate Emergency, our topic of focus is the 2011 Seattle Mariners professional baseball club. As you know by now, staying focused is not our forte.

The usual grumpiness, news, and mayhem ensue. Lots of R&B cuts, a monologue by yours truly, and vulgarity supplement the goodness.

One of the greatest sh*tshows thus far. Check it, yo.

P.S.: Some quotes for you to enjoy:

“Long story short, stop jerking people off.” -Alex

“Journalism would be a great business without the readers.” -Dickens

“You know what, Alex? You should stop getting your dick sucked. You’ll be angrier.” -Josh

“His name is Dennis Haysbert…okay, Cerrano Haysbert…Pedro Haysbert.” -Ashley

Hi. I’m Alex Akita from Seattle Sportsnet, and I’d like to welcome you to a new segment that we hope becomes a regular feature here on the site entitled “Around Geoff Baker.”

As you may know, Geoff is the Mariners beat writer for The Seattle Times. You can read his work here. Geoff recently started a new video segment on his blog entitled “Around The Blogosphere,” in which he comments on relevant articles on local blogs and websites.

To show Geoff that the blogosphere cares as much for him as he does about us, we’re bringing you a daily look at the man himself. When he posts ATB, we’ll post AGB. It’s that simple. Join us for all the fun.

Click here for today’s “Around The Blogosphere” video.

Read more…