This is the third time that the NBA has kicked off a season without the Sonics, and every time it happens, a wound is opened in the middle of my heart.
Now we could sit here and reminisce about the good ol’ days if we wanted to. Talk about our childhood memories of Gus Williams and Jack Sikma, Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp, or for the younger fans, Vladimir Stepania and Jelani McCoy (heh), but why get all nostalgic like that?
Sure, there’s some benefit to reliving the glory years, no denying that. I just don’t know that I have the strength to do that right now. I don’t know that I can handle the misty-eyed reveries of moments gone by. And do you know why I can’t handle that? Because a trio of heartless bastards ripped out my soul and pissed on it. Of course, I’m referring to the three-headed f***-faced monster that is Howard Schlutz (typo intended), David Stern, and Clay Bennett.
You’re probably saying to yourself, “Dude, it’s been two-and-a-half years, move on already.” Well you know what? I’ve got three words for you, two of which will need to be censored: F*** that sh*t.
That’s right, I said it. F*** that sh*t. You move on. I’ll move on at my leisure. If you think I’m ready to forget about the Seattle Supersonics after this short amount of time, you can take your thoughts and shove them right up Schlutz’s ass. There is NO WAY I’m getting over the hijacking of our basketball team at this point in my life. No freakin’ way.
I’ve heard a lot of hemming and hawing in the past few months. Hemming in that we’re starting to legitimize Oklahoma City as the home of the Thunder. Hawing in that we’re warming up to Stern’s talk of one day bringing a team back to the Emerald City. More hemming in that we’ve lost our disdain for Bennett and OKC. And even more hawing in that we’ve seemingly turned apathetic towards Schlutzy, himself.
Personally, I hate that sh*t.
First of all, the Oklahoma City Thunder are nothing. Nothing. They are the Seattle Supersonics in drag. They are our team in zombie costumes. That’s our f***ing team. The green and gold. Make no mistake about it. That’s our baby, abducted and raised by impostors. We should be on the backs of milk cartons right now. And Bennett needs to be in jail. For kidnapping, larceny, and first-degree murder. He slayed an entire fan base. And worse yet, got away with it.
Stern aided and abetted Bennett’s bitch-ass. And let me tell you something. There is nothing that kills me more than listening to that little poindexter prick patronize us with his empty, suggestive promises of one day returning the league to Seattle. Screw that. We don’t want your charity. We don’t want your bullshit. We just want our team back. And you can’t give that to us, so go jump off a cliff. Frumpy little gnome. Get out of here. Go take your operations to China or Europe or Antarctica for all we care. You talk about expanding around the globe, yet you can’t even keep your teams in their home cities. You’re a grandstander. A frontrunner. A paper lion. You’re weak sauce bottled up and diluted.
Finally, we have Schlutz. Schlutz the putz. Dude does not deserve to breathe the same air that the rest of us breathe. He does not deserve to walk the same earth that the rest of us walk. Every time this guy sets foot outside his home, Nickelodeon Gak should rain down from the heavens and cover him in green ooze. He is an embarrassment to humanity. A sellout in every sense of the term. He quit on the Sonics, he quit on the fans, he quit on the city of Seattle, he destroyed a legacy. Never forget what this Benedict Arnold did to us. He’s the anti-Christ. This man is Satan with greasy, slicked-back hair. I will never, ever, ever forgive him. And neither should you.
Let me be frank with you for a minute. I’m a pretty tolerant individual. I like most people. I get along with most people. I don’t dislike too many folks, and I certainly don’t hate much of anything. Hate is a strong word. It implies never-ending disdain.
But the feelings I have for Schlutz, Bennett, and Stern cannot be characterized in any other manner. There are only three people in this world that I really, truly hate. And these are the three. Burn in hell, murderers.