The Greatest Thing You’ve Never Heard

I’ll tell you what it is first, then I’ll give you the back story. It is a weekly podcast featuring myself, producer extraordinaire Josh Sabrowsky, traffic diva Ashley Ryan, and the Tacoma News-Tribune’s Ryan Divish, hosted by Sports Radio 950 KJR, published through 950KJR.com and SeattleSportsnet.com, and available through iTunes.

There you have it.

So how did this come to fruition?

Very simply, it started with a karate emergency. And for the record, “Karate Emergency” is now my new favorite quote. Because nothing says “emergency” quite like karate.

Josh and I were headed to play some pickup basketball with my brother at the Northgate Community Center on Thursday evening. We go every Thursday for open runs. We play ball with high school kids who talk a lot and make us feel better about our fading game and aging bodies.

We walked up to the entrance on this particular evening and saw all our underage constituents sitting outside the gym, shooting the sh*t by the doorway. They told us the gym was closed. We walked in to see for ourselves. There were a handful of people doing karate underneath the hoops, to which I remarked, “You know, you can do karate anywhere. It doesn’t have to be in a gym, where people could be playing basketball.” Josh concurred. I don’t know if he was just tolerating my bitching or in total agreement. Either way, I appreciated his acknowledgement.

We walked over to the front desk.

“Is this going on all night?” I asked.

The lady behind the counter nodded. “Yeah,” she said, “it was a kind of a last minute thing. An emergency.”

Josh and I looked back over at the collection of 40-year-old citrus belts who were trying to master stretching along the baseline. An emergency? Really?

We walked out of the gym. I called my brother, who was still on his way to meet us.

“Don’t come,” I told him. “They have an emergency and the gym’s closed…yeah…yeah…no…an emergency for karate.”

“A karate emergency,” Josh chimed in.

“Yeah,” I told my brother, “a f***in’ karate emergency. Can you believe that? What the hell?”

I hung up the phone. What to do now. 7:00 p.m. on a Thursday evening. Nowhere to go, nothing to do. Naturally, we headed for a bar. In our basketball attire. On Queen Anne. Just down the block from Josh’s place. Being a Queen Anne native himself, I texted my friend Jerry Brewer and told him of our impending plan.

“Jerry,” my text read, “if you’re in the hood and available, Josh Sabrowsky and I are headed over to Sully’s for a drink.”

Now let me just preface this next part by saying that Jerry didn’t end up coming with us, and really he doesn’t relate to our story in any way from here on out. I just wanted to share his response text with you because I think it’s hilarious. And frankly, everyone should see Jerry’s hilarious side.

“Awww snap!” wrote Jerry. “I’m out with [my wife]. Damn, that’s my spot!”

I held the phone up so Josh could see. We died laughing.

We ordered food and drinks. Let me tell you something. This bar, Sully’s, sells $2 Pabst Blue Ribbon (PBR, to the initiated) in 16-ounce cans. It’s literally the greatest deal at a bar you can find. So we hit that up. Then we ordered some bar food. The type of bar food that will make you wish you hadn’t eaten in the three or four days prior. Chili cheese fries and buffalo wings. Goodness covered in more goodness. It was beautiful.

We ate and drank and talked. We caught wind of the MILFs in the corner “eye-f***ing us” (Josh’s words, not mine) while avoiding the advances of a creepy guy who was trying to get in their pants. Perhaps it was our basketball attire that was blowing their minds. Or maybe it was the fact that we were likely the only people under 30 in the venue at that moment. Who knows for sure. Either way, it gave us something else to converse on.

We started talking about KJR and the roundtables that I’ve been lucky enough to be a part of. We discussed the up-and-coming local sports media contingent that, through technology and social networking, has a chance to revolutionize this city’s consumption of news. We inflated our egos and made animated gestures as we expressed opinion after opinion through booze and bombast.

And then the idea hit.

“Hold on,” said Josh. “This idea just hit me smack in the face and I need to interrupt you.”

I don’t remember what I was talking about at that moment. But it wasn’t all that interesting. So I deferred.

“What about a weekly podcast?” he asked. “With four people. You, me, Ryan Divish, and one more.”

“Divish is key,” I remarked (take note, Divish, when you consider your involvement in this project that you currently know nothing about). “And you know who else is key? Ashley.”

“Ashley! Yes!” Josh exclaimed. “Hold on, I’m gonna BBM her right now.” And indeed he proceeded to do just that, whipping out his Blackberry like a man possessed before asking the glue that will undoubtedly hold this group together if she would be a part of this alcohol-fueled moment of inspiration.

Two minutes later, we had our answer: “ABSOLUTELY!” So Ashley was in.

Now it was up to our fourth wheel, the definitive cog, the engine that would make this thing go: Divish.

“You need to work on him,” Josh stated.

“I will,” I replied. “But first we need to blow this thing up so he can’t say no. Because we need Divish. Divish is the absolute tits. He makes radio shows better, and he’s more than just a journalist, you know? He’s more like a brand name. Along the lines of Mitsubishi or Toyota. One of those Japanese brand names. He’s like that. He’s that important. He’s an absolute gem.” (I may have embellished certain parts of that last quote, but frankly, it’s all true.)

We decided we would have a better chance of adding the last member of our team if we a) posted our plan on Facebook, b) posted our plan on Twitter, and c) posted our plan here, in the form of this article. If we could build excitement around this idea, petition it to our audience, then beg and plead with promises of beer and pizza, maybe, just maybe, Divish would join us.

So what do you think, audience? This sound like anything that might intrigue you? The plan, as alluded to in the opening paragraph, is to record our weekly podcasts in KJR’s studios, then stream them online through 950KJR.com, this very website, and iTunes. Grab-ass for the masses. It should be entertaining, if nothing else.

We’d also likely bring in guests to keep things lively, and do some other fun stuff, as well. We haven’t finalized anything just yet, but barring some epic fail, this project is a go. Stay tuned as we polish up the details, but for now, get excited! We’re going global.

14 responses

  1. Yes! Do it!

  2. Good idea.

  3. four thumbs up!!

  4. I like it. And who the hell is TheRealThabo? This is starting to be weird on the order of when I used to catch Mike downstairs with his ear against my door when he thought I was sleeping.

  5. Confirmed: Divish is in. The podcast has been given the green light. We’ll be figuring out the details in the very near future. Stay tuned as we unveil a time frame for our debut cut.

  6. Booyah Bitches!

  7. Wait… take two:… Booyah!

    Since I’m taking up all your space, I guess I’ll throw out an idea.

    Topic #1 – Would the Mariners be better now if they had a broadcaster/former athlete make it her priority to ensure the players are “happy”?

  8. Love it. Good work.

  9. I’m glad we can all agree that I’m the best.

  10. I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

  11. The Karate Emergency Quartet…. Can’t wait!

  12. I would probably get it on iTunes if anything. That’s the easiest outlet.

  13. I know Divish and he is not the bomb. Although he did drop quite the bombshell at Arlo’s in Wolf Point Montana.

  14. Divish does a good job, but I think we should respect his ancestors and not mention “bomb”. Lots of bad feelings…

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