Top 11: 2011 Seattle Mariners Team Slogans

In 2010, the Mariners asked you to Believe Big. You did as told. And you were betrayed.

So what do they have in store for you in 2011? Hopefully something more honest, something more straightforward. That’s where we come in.

Whether or not the team chooses to employ any of these suggestions for 2011 is irrelevant. All 11 of these catch-phrases are not only unique, they’re apt. That’s right. Apt. Meaning spot-on, truthful, correctly utilized.

Without further ado, we present to you the Top 11 2011 Seattle Mariners Team Slogans. Because we aren’t all blessed with a job in marketing.

11. Chicks Dig The Ground Ball

Which totally explains why most members of our team are still getting laid.

Pitching, hitting, doesn’t matter. We are a ground ball MACHINE!

10. Twenty-percent of the time, we win every time.

Felix pitches every fifth day, you know.

9. In Zzzzz We Trust

They tried to get Larry LaRue on board with this one. He declined.

8. Believe At An Appropriate Size Of Your Choosing

If you want to Believe Big, that’s fine.

If you’d prefer to Believe Small, that’s cool too.

If you’re more of a medium believer, you’re welcome to share the faith, as well.

The key here is that the level of belief is not predetermined by the organization, so no matter what happens, you cannot be misled.

7. Your Money Is Still Good Here

Just in case you had any doubt whatsoever.

They also take Canadian currency in the stadium. You know, on the off chance that you like to pay for crap with Looneys.

6. Highway 101…On The Road To History

101 losses in 2008.

101 losses in 2010.

101 losses in 2011? I don’t know. Maybe. Here’s your chance to be a part of something bigger than yourself.

5. We Got Rid Of Carlos Silva For You

Let me just say that if I was in the Mariners’ front office, I would refute any scrutiny of my decision-making abilities by pointing to this one, solitary action that took place during the ’09-’10 offseason. Because seriously, let’s be honest here. No one, and I mean absolutely no one, can argue the factual nature of this statement.

And really, even though Silva had a decent season with the Cubs, every Mariners fan should be thankful that his big butt is gone. He was taking up too much space on the dugout bench, for one. More room for everybody else.

Why they aren’t spinning this more is beyond me. You highlight the good, you shield the bad. Standard rule of marketing.

4. We Have Bobbleheads

Like shooting fish in a barrel. Or taking candy from a baby. Or waxing the sheen onto Jack Zduriencik’s head. Or being Franklin Gutierrez’s wingman. Or…okay, I’ll stop now.

3. Refuse To Snooze

Larry LaRue approves this message.

Rumor has it that they’ve already posted this sign in the clubhouse.

2. It’s Either This Or The Storm

Well, um…yep.

That was below the belt, I know. Thankfully, neither Mariners players nor Storm players have anything down there to connect with. So it’s all good.

1. SoSo Mojo

We still have mojo. But unfortunately it’s just so-so.

Eh.

6 responses

  1. the season is finally over so i hope you stop writing about stupid shit on the mariners and focus on other things related to seattle sports. i’ve boycotted your site pretty much ever since you’ve devoted all your time writing about these clowns. i’m giving the site a daily visit like i have in the past hoping i don’t have to read any other crap about the mariners.

    ps. more husky coverage please!!!!!!!!

  2. How bout Win Forever?

  3. Good stuff Alex. It is going to take an awful lot of Rick Rizz sunshine up the ass for the marketing department to come up with something for 2011.

  4. Hahaha Gut buster Jack I swear! OMG!

    ” i’ve boycotted your site pretty much ever since you’ve devoted all your time writing about these clowns. i’m giving the site a daily visit like i have in the past… blago blago blago”

    Nice boycott dude. You’re the beatdown person in a relationship who comes back for another crack on the jaw. Just scroll on man.

    Don’t get mad, we’d agree on probably, or almost or near, all things Husky, I think.

  5. What is it with pos(t)ers like “Jack” anyway? Maybe you should go on a hunger strike instead of a boycott. I’m sure that’ll do the trick to show the power of one anonymous nobody on the internet.

    The Mariners will hire Joey Cora as their next manager in a purely PR move.

  6. The 2011 Seattle Mariners:
    The Hitting Can’t Get Any Worse, Can It?

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