Hello.
I would like to make a return.
You see, I purchased these tickets to a football game, but the thing is one of the teams didn’t show up. And, you know, if only one team is playing, it’s not really a game. Which is why I deserve to get my money back.
You’re probably not going to refund me, and I understand that. Customer service isn’t a strong suit for a state-run university. Or a state-run anything, for that matter. But that’s another rant for another day. We don’t need to go there.
Fact is, I was conned out of my hard-earned cash by you guys and I’d like to be made whole.
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This is my friend Matt Holt. He’s dressed as Slutty Francois Botha for Halloween. He wins the year.
If you’d like to get to know Matt better, you can follow him on Twitter: @husky13836
Special thanks to @dbp555 for the photo.
Here is a list of things I would like to see happen. Enjoy.
Side Note: These things are numbered for no particular reason.
1. I would like to see Jenn Sterger talk about Brett Favre’s penis.
This would accomplish a number of things.
One, it would be really funny to those of us who still giggle at the word “penis.”
Two, it would destroy Favre’s reputation of being a guy who doesn’t show his penis.
Three, it would destroy Favre’s reputation in every other way, as well.
Four, it would validate what we already know. Which is that Favre really did send pictures of his babymaker to Sterger, in hopes that she would find it sexually appealing. Right. Because everyone enjoys gray pubes.
2. I would like to see political ads that are truthful, yet scathing.
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That picture to the left has nothing to do with anything. I just really like it. Enjoy.
You’re here for Karate Emergency, and I thank you for that. Without wasting too much of your time, I give you two links to the podcast itself.
THIS LINK gives you the basic media player to listen to the podcast directly to your computer OR save and download to your iTunes or iPod.
THIS OTHER LINK gives you the colorful, fun media player with a time feature (so you can go back and say, “My favorite part happened at blank-thirty,” for example) for those of you who only want to listen on your desktop.
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Oh hey, what do you know, it’s the NBA.
This is the third time that the NBA has kicked off a season without the Sonics, and every time it happens, a wound is opened in the middle of my heart.
Now we could sit here and reminisce about the good ol’ days if we wanted to. Talk about our childhood memories of Gus Williams and Jack Sikma, Gary Payton and Shawn Kemp, or for the younger fans, Vladimir Stepania and Jelani McCoy (heh), but why get all nostalgic like that?
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Todd Stordahl is commissioner of the Washington Officials Association. He’s also the man responsible for punishing local referees who chose to promote cancer awareness by using pink whistles during football games on Friday night.
Well, yeah, that’s kind of a jerky thing to do.
We’re gonna try and put a stop to that jerkiness by giving you the direct link to Todd’s Facebook profile. It’s public knowledge. Anyone could search for the dude and find him. But we want to make it easier for you. In case you want to send the guy a message or, who knows, maybe even add him as your friend.
So here you go: http://on.fb.me/9LMYID
Do with it as you wish. Enjoy.
You probably didn’t see the Texas Rangers beat the New York Yankees tonight and clinch the first World Series berth in their franchise’s history. I understand. It’s a Friday evening. It’s football season. Basketball season is nearly upon us. The Mariners have been dead for five months. I get it.
To be perfectly honest, I can’t say I physically witnessed this momentous occasion, either. I was at the mall, tooling around. Frankly, I still enjoy the vibe at the mall on a Friday night. I worked at the mall for eight frickin years. There are 52 Fridays in a year. Multiply that by eight years. You get 416 Fridays. I wager I spent at least 250 of those Fridays working at the mall between 2001 and 2009. Think about that. 250 Fridays. My God. I can’t even believe it myself. If I wasn’t half-Asian and therefore half-good at math I’d go back and recalculate my work.
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As loyal readers of Seattle Sportsnet, you have a right to be informed. Which is why I’m here to tell you that it’s on. Next Tuesday night. 8:00 p.m. What’s on, you ask? Karate Emergency.
I should probably italicize that since it’s the name of a production. Karate Emergency. There. Now it’s official. Let me tell you something. You know you’ve made it when you can italicize the name of something that you’ve created. I don’t even italicize Seattle Sportsnet, so you know how important Karate Emergency is. Parents don’t even italicize the names of their children. So it’s even more important than that. We’re bigger than life itself. Think about that. It’s deep.
Karate Emergency. It’s the name of our goofy-ass podcast radio show. Endorsed (however loosely) by Sports Radio 950 KJR, recorded in a real-life studio, broadcast to the ears of millions, and made just for you, the Seattle sports fanatic.
That’s what this show is destined to be. An outlet for the local sports fan. Think of Seattle Sportsnet on radio, with three more people, wittier banter, and an Almost Live! feel to it. That’s what we’re trying to make Karate Emergency out to be. And it’s gonna be fantastic.
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I asked for your questions, comments, and feedback and like the Paperboy, Josh Wilson, you all delivered.
This is the second installment of what is now a three-part series of answers. Initially, I figured I could squeeze all this into two columns, but frankly it’s just too long.
(Awkward last sentence.)
So without further ado, let’s get on with the Q and A. The Answer Column: Part II. For your enjoyment.
i am a mariner whore. i hate them so much, but yet, still, and always will love them. what do you feel the mariners’ moves should be this off-season? who would you like to see as the manager? what players would you want to see wearing a m’s jersey come next april? i hate the m’s, but love them so much. –Mr. Awesome
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What are the odds that we can get Barack Obama and his staff to play basketball with my rec team, the Athletic Supporters? The Prez happens to be arriving in Seattle tonight (Wednesday) and will be leaving some time on Thursday. Regardless of his geographic proximity, I would have to imagine that the odds of him running with us are not very good at all. Probably like one-in-a-million (So you’re tellin’ me there’s a chance…).
I’m gonna give it a shot anyways, by using Twitter as my medium. You can follow me on Twitter (@alexssn) as I harass Barack (@BarackObama), attempting to coerce him into a pickup game with the best recreational basketball team on the planet.
I know two things. One, we won’t lose. And two, Barack and his staff probably don’t have the confidence to run with us. We’re good. And Reggie Love ain’t nothin’.
Let’s go, Barack.
I asked for your questions, comments, and feedback and like the Paperboy, Josh Wilson, you all delivered.
Thanks to your participation, I have enough material for a two-part article. This is the first installment of responses. Look for the next episode later in the week.
Addressing your feedback in chronological order (more or less), I give you The Answer Column: Part I. Enjoy.
I was the bully. –Bailey
She’s a lot meaner than you think.
Will there ever be anything as entertaining as playing with me on NBA hangtime? And if you haven’t you really should, because it is arguably the best experience ever. –Shawn Kemp
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*Editor’s note: This is really long.
Nuckin futs and unbuckingfelievable are two of my all-time favorite sayings. You can have so much fun with those phrases without crossing any lines of decency. Like doing root beer kegstands. Woohoo.
You’re probably thinking I’m referring to the Huskies’ double-overtime victory over Oregon State with that headline up there. And I am. In part.
In actuality, the entire day from start to finish was nuckin futs, not just the nearly four hours of game play that unfolded at Husky Stadium on Saturday evening. And so, because I believe in full disclosure (or at least almost full disclosure), and because I feel it’s valuable to take you through a fan’s gameday experience, I give you this detailed account of Tailgate Saturday. All I ask up front is that you please forgive me. Apologies.
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I’ll tell you what it is first, then I’ll give you the back story. It is a weekly podcast featuring myself, producer extraordinaire Josh Sabrowsky, traffic diva Ashley Ryan, and the Tacoma News-Tribune’s Ryan Divish, hosted by Sports Radio 950 KJR, published through 950KJR.com and SeattleSportsnet.com, and available through iTunes.
There you have it.
So how did this come to fruition?
Very simply, it started with a karate emergency. And for the record, “Karate Emergency” is now my new favorite quote. Because nothing says “emergency” quite like karate.
Josh and I were headed to play some pickup basketball with my brother at the Northgate Community Center on Thursday evening. We go every Thursday for open runs. We play ball with high school kids who talk a lot and make us feel better about our fading game and aging bodies.
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I have a confession to make. Even though I consider myself a sports writer, and even though this website is devoted to sports, and even though I play sports and watch sports and love sports wholeheartedly, sports don’t really matter. They don’t. They are founded on games, which are distractions from everyday life. And I think there are times we lose sight of that.
The other day I was talking with two people who both inspire me. They’re the type of people I strive to emulate. They’re good people, but more than that they have a better grasp on reality than a lot of individuals I know. As someone who doesn’t take life all too seriously, I can appreciate their outlook because I feel it vibes with mine.
We talked about a lot of things, including sports, because they’re into sports, too. But there were other subjects, higher level subjects. Subjects like life and death, heartache and heartbreak, happiness and joy.
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How easy is it to get away with an NCAA rules violation? Easy enough that I used to aid and abet college players who needed to save some cash. And no, I was never a sports agent.
The first time I ever illegally benefited a college athlete, I was 20 years old. It was January, 2005. I was an assistant manager at Champs Sports, while also a student at the University of Washington. I was put in a pretty lofty position at a young age. I had keys to the store, was responsible for all the cash in the till, and was frequently left alone on the job with only a handful of teenagers to help me run the place.
A national chain affiliated with Foot Locker, Champs had the market cornered on the trendiest athletic footwear and apparel. It was a young male’s dream. The target audience was 18-to-25-year-old men who liked sports. So naturally, athletes of all ages and skill level frequented our store.
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Hello.
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