Believe Big! The 40 Most Overrated Things in the History of the World

In honor of the 2010 Seattle Mariners, we’re bringing you this list of the 40 Most Overrated Things In The History of the World. Why 40, you ask? Because round numbers are overrated.

Keep in mind that by determining the following things to be “overrated,” we aren’t saying that they’re bad in any way. Each of these 40 letdowns is simply unable to live up to the lofty status imposed upon it by society. Thems the breaks.

So without further ado, please sit back, relax, and, like your 2010 Mariners, Believe Big!

40. Farmers markets

Do you really want to hang out with people who don’t shower and pay more for their sh*t than those of us who shop at the grocery store?

39. Facebook chat

This thing was supposed to replace AOL Instant Messenger (AIM, to the initiated) and Gmail Chat (Gchat). Instead, it’s like the Matterhorn at Disneyland: great when it’s fully functional, but rarely in proper working order.

38. Wraps

Putting crap in a tortilla doesn’t make it any less crappy than it already was.

37. Rick Reilly

Putting him in front of a camera was a huge mistake. This guy went from being a great writer to being a great big douche.

36. Sexting

No matter how many naked pics or vids you end up with, the reality is this: your phone has neither a penis nor a vagina.

35. Independent films

They’re independent for a reason: no one wanted to depend on them to make any money.

34. Europe

That entire continent is in a 250-year rut. At least.

33. Brett Favre

No comment needed.

32. Chihuahuas

They serve no practical function, they won’t save your life, they can’t guard anything, and they will pierce your soul with their yapping.

31. Jarvis Varnado

Click here for more.

30. The Great White Running Back

It’s not 1950. Toby Gerhart is not going to salvage an entire ethnicity’s recent failure to carry a football while simultaneously running. He’s the next Jacob Hester at worst, Mike Alstott at best. Deal with it.

29. The State of Florida

I’ve been there. It’s like Hawaii. You know, assuming Hawaii was on meth and had experienced a Lindsay Lohan-like fall from grace.

28. Taylor Swift

Yeah, I said it. She’s cute and can sing well, but people talk about her like she’s the female Jarvis Varnado. Plus, she thought it might be a good idea to date Taylor Lautner. Speaking of Lautner…

27. Taylor Lautner

Have you seen this guy act? It’s like watching a younger, more depressing Chris Klein half-ass his way through American Pie 2. Someone’s gonna convince this kid he’s a lead actor, at which point his career will experience a Chris Klein-esque downturn.

26. Camping

Sounds like a lot of fun until you get out there and realize that there is no toilet paper and none of your tentmates will be bathing over the course of the next few days.

25. Organic produce

Wait, so you’re telling me I have to pay more for this apple that has had nothing done to it? Nothing at all? While this cheaper apple over here looks prettier and has a nice sheen? Riiight.

24. Playboy magazine

It will show you nothing that you can’t see for free on the internet.

23. Short hair on females

You might be in style, but you look like a smallish man. And your boyfriend is only being nice by telling you it looks good. Sorry for the bad news.

22. Avatar

A Fern Gully and Pocahontas goulash that had a weaker-than-expected plot and relied on Owen from Dodgeball to help carry the story line. That said, the visual effects were stunning.

21. XBox 360

It doesn’t play Blu-Ray discs. It does, however, play Betamax LaserDisc HD DVDs.

20. Email

Creates more problems than it solves. And frankly, we’ve all been kamikazed by “Reply all” on at least one occasion.

19. British accents

Doesn’t make them smarter, hotter, or any more likely to sleep with you.

18. The Real World

So you’re telling me they aren’t competing? For anything? There’s no prize? At all? Really? F*** this, then.

17. Japanese baseball players

There’s really no nice way to spin this. So, um…yep.

16. The missionary position

Too much work, not enough reward. In their defense, it’s not like anyone was counting on missionaries to provide advice on sexual intercourse, anyways.

15. Aliens

Show me one alien and they’ll be aptly-rated and off this list. I’m only asking for one. Shouldn’t be that hard.

14. Coffee

Doesn’t taste as good as we’d like to pretend it does. It can also scald you. Consider it a liquid weapon of mass destruction.

13. Paris Hilton

She doesn’t do anything, she hangs out with d-bags, she sports a negative A-cup, and her claim to fame is starring in a sex tape that made her look like a gremlin. Yeah, that’s hot.

12. Vampires

They’re all fun and games until they kill you.

11. University of Oregon Football

They’ve done about as much as Paris Hilton. Seriously. Look it up.

10. Jack Johnson

There are homeless guys with guitars all over America who can do what he does. And they aren’t nearly as pretentious about doing it, either.

9. The Great Depression

Not as great or depressing as we’re playing it up to be.

8. Friends

Was there any plot outside of Ross and Rachel? No. No, there was not.

7. The Beatles

Come on. The only defense anyone ever has for Beatles criticism is, “But…they’re The Beatles.” Yeah, and? Even their biggest fans don’t know what’s so special about these Brodie Croyle lookalikes.

6. Ugg boots

Not practical, not cheap, not cute. All you’re telling the world by wearing these is that you might be a high-maintenance beyotch.

5. The iPhone

Remember what I said about sexting? How your phone has neither a penis nor a vagina? That also applies in this situation, as well.

4. Being gay

It needs to be said. Whether you like gay people or not is irrelevant. The fact is, being gay has reached fad status. Which means it’s highly overrated.

3. Boy shorts

You cannot convince me that these are better than a skimpier, sluttier alternative. Cannot.

2. The Toyota Prius

There are literally dozens of hybrid vehicles out there. Why people consider this uppity clown car to be the cream of the crop is beyond me.

1. The Boston Red Sox

They used to be underrated, then they won a couple championships and quickly became a nuisance, ultimately skyrocketing them to No. 1 on this list. And on top of that, Jonathan Papelbon is a real prick.

12 responses

  1. Man, I thought I was alone on about 25 of those entries. Paris Hobag, Oregon Football, Xbox, Ugg boots, Taylor Swift, Europe and the missionary workout speak to me.
    And “Friends” sucked. The only way to improve that show, would be to make it even worse ala British Accents.

  2. Maybe you should just stick to sports.

  3. You captured me perfectly.

  4. Great job, but I do have to say that U of O has been more productive, as many of them have at least served a full jail term. Or 4.

  5. Good one. To the person that said he should stick to sports… have you watched a Seattle team play lately? Yes, the Hawks are 2 – 1, but the jury is wayyyyyy out on them. I think it’s his duty as a Seattle sports blogger to help take our minds off the abberation that is Seattle sports right now.

  6. Great list.

    I’m only writing to defend the xbox 360 (I know lame). You can stream 1080 movies with surround sound to your xbox. wirelessly or wired. Its actually pretty dope. You don’t even need a netflix account. Oh Netflix would have been a good one. Especially now that Redbox is around.
    I will give you a kudos on the Beatles.

  7. You are the reason why Xbox is on the list. I’d rather listen to the nerd girl who leads with, “and one time at band camp….”

    “It’s like I’m sittin here playing cards with my brother’s kids or something”

  8. Stick to writing articles cuz your other job of being Mountlake Terrace rec league coach is a total failure. How could you sit Sabrowski the entire second half with the game on the line?!!!

  9. Uhh, Hawaii IS on meth….

  10. Where’s Chuck Norris?

  11. Where the hell is My Little Pony on here?

  12. Everything was good on this list, but I have to disagree with your Beatles assesment

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