Really Good High School Football Player
I think I speak for very few people when I say that high school football recruiting just doesn’t intrigue me that much. I like the idea of recruiting. The notion that we’re improving, getting better, and winning recruiting battles over other big-name programs. But recruiting in and of itself? Doesn’t really do it for me.
That said, Coach Sark and the Husky football program have netted a major recruit in Gig Harbor’s Austin Seferian-Jenkins, a tight end who chose to attend Washington over the University of Texas. That makes me happy inside. Yet when I hear this report, when I get the news about such a big commitment, the translation that I process in my mind is basically what the headline above reads: really good high school football player commits to UW. Since we’re fellow Huskies now, the kid should probably mean more to me. But alas, he does not.
Yes, this is blasphemy to those of you who live and die by the adolescents who make the recruiting landscape what it is. Over the years, however, I’ve found it’s not a real good idea to put your hopes and dreams in the hands of teenagers. I say this as someone who was a teenager himself not too long ago. And looking back fondly on those days, I can tell you that I certainly wouldn’t have trusted me. God forbid anyone else feel the need to do so. So that’s where we stand on that issue.
I would, however, like to give a giant high five to the girls of UW, who are clearly doing their part to sway recruits to don the purple and gold. We all know what goes on during those campus visits. Let’s not turn a blind eye towards the dirty side of recruiting. We’ve all seen He Got Game.
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On Friday, August 13, 2010, R.A. Dickey threw a one-hit shutout against the Philadelphia Phillies. Yes, the very same R.A. Dickey who was once the property of your Seattle Mariners. What we wouldn’t give to have that guy back right now.
Needless to say, letting Dickey go (for nothing, by the way) may have been a bad move. The right-hander is 8-5 with a 2.43 ERA for a New York Mets ballclub that isn’t very good. And yet he started the year in the minors.
I don’t know what it is about Dickey that doesn’t immediately appeal to Major League Baseball teams. Maybe it’s the hard knuckleball he employs. Maybe it’s his lack of an ulnar collateral ligament in his pitching elbow (the Tommy John ligament). Maybe it’s the fact that he’s just a decent guy who’s easy to turn away. Who knows for sure. All I know is, Dickey is the bomb.
Which leads me to my story within a story.
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We all say things that, when taken out of context, are hilarious. Most of us don’t say those things on the radio, however.
That’s what makes Ashley Ryan special. Not only does she say things that will make you giggle, but she does so unintentionally in front of thousands of listeners.
For those of you who don’t know Ashley, she comes to you live each and every weekday from the State Farm Traffic Center. You might hear her on various ClearChannel stations throughout your radio dial, but she’s arguably most famous for her work with Sports Radio 950 KJR.
That’s where this audio clip comes to us from. I just happened to be tuned in on Wednesday afternoon when Ashley uttered the sentence you just heard in the sound bite. In context, she was speaking directly to my good friend Josh, who was reading a lengthy list of guests scheduled to join host Jason Puckett for the afternoon show. Out of context, she had a Grade-A “That’s what she said” moment.
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But soft, what’s this?
Why it’s a University of Nebraska night at Safeco Field. Wouldn’t you know it, it turns out those Cornhuskers are big Mariners fans!
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Her past would indicate that she was a Neuheisel recruit.
I’ll be here all season, folks.
Shadow Stevens, for the win! Always wanted to say that.
Anyways, here’s Big Bad Bob Condotta’s FTW moment, courtesy of this headline:
A bigger Johnson aiming for bigger things in 2010
No words. Just proud to say that this man is in my fantasy baseball league. Respectful bow. I love you, man.
Full story on the bigger Johnson here.
Just kidding. They haven’t actually done this.
But that sure would be great if they did hold a White Heritage Night. I’m only half-white, but I think everyone could appreciate this.
Well, except Daren Brown, that is. He would undoubtedly be fired.
Boom, roasted.
I hope one day the Mariners will start a brawl with whatever team Don Wakamatsu ends up with, just so I can watch Wak come flying out of the dugout and punch Chone Figgins between the gap in his teeth.
Followed by a flying roundhouse kick to the gonads.
And a Street Fighter II Hadoken to finish him, naturally.
F**k you, Mariners.
I love you so much and all you do is hurt me. I know it’s wrong of me to stay here, to stay with you, but I can’t help it.
You treat me like Megan Fox in an Eminem cut, burning down my house with me still in it. I still want to trust you, to believe in you, to know that you’ll be there for me. But every time I open up to you I get hurt. I’m torn inside.
People tell me we shouldn’t be together. That I can do better. That I should be with another team. I want to leave you, but I can’t. We’ve been together forever. Don’t you understand that?
I’ve been wearing your logo since I was a baby, and all you do is take me for granted. We’re soulmates, you and I, destined to spend eternity with one another. My heart bleeds teal, but you like to watch me bleed. I can’t keep going on like this.
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Almost every day of my life, I pick up a newspaper and read it. A physical newspaper. A dead tree. Killed for my enjoyment. Take that, hippies.
Unlike many of my contemporaries, I enjoy reading the newspaper. I’m not hardcore like some people. I don’t read the whole thing, front to back. I avoid the boring sh*t. My focus generally lends itself to the sports page and whatever else I have time for. Still, even that little bit of interaction with the printed word makes me a rare breed in this day and age.
Newspapers are failing. It’s no big secret. They’ve been in disrepair for the better part of the past decade. As the internet has become the world’s premier source for information, newspapers have taken a backseat in people’s everyday lives. Why read a paper when you can have news delivered instantly to your computer? It’s a fair question, and one that cannot be logically refuted.
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Sent to us by loyal reader David, who must have swapped Chinese food orders with Schlutzy, himself.
As part of our campaign to give away free ad space to loyal readers, Seattle Sportsnet will be reprinting the creative essays sent to us by those individuals out to pimp a product, person, or otherwise.
Today’s installment comes to us from Kendall Jones of the Washington Beer Blog. You’ll be inspired. To drink.
Why Choose The Washington Beer Blog
By Kendall Jones
Why should the Washington Beer Blog get a free ad on SeattleSportsnet.com? Uh, because we’re talking about beer.
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“He picked up his stuff, touched as many people as he could and then went on his way.”
I don’t think anything else needs to be said.
On a side note, does anyone else ever refer to Don Wakamatsu as Juan Dakamatsu? I do it a lot. If someone else does it then it’s normal behavior. If no one does it, I’m weird. So hopefully someone else does it.
And for the record, Juan Dakamatsu is more fun to say. It also implies a Japanese-Mexican, which is a hybrid we all can appreciate.
*Editor’s note: This article starts horribly. It’s boring, not catchy, barely worthy of your attention. Most writers wouldn’t admit this to you, but I care about the time you waste reading my prose. Trust me, though, this thing really takes off about halfway through. It gets a lot more exciting and you might even laugh. If you don’t want to read the beginning, I understand and I don’t blame you. But do yourself a favor and click through to the article and check out the second half. It’s better, I promise.
Society. The thing about society is that we love to point fingers. As soon as things start going bad, we look for someone or something to blame. Calling the 2010 Seattle Mariners “bad” would be an understatement. They’re absolutely horrible. Which is why fans desperately need — nay, crave — a scapegoat for this lost season in which we were told to “Believe Big.”
Enter Seattle Sportsnet.
We’re here to help you play the blame game. We are going to list out every possible culprit you can imagine for this disaster of a year and let you be the judge on who should take the heat for all the losses. Without further ado…
Chuck Armstrong
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"It's okay, Chuck. I hear the PTBNL has some real talent. And those rally fries weren't working anyways."
Because frankly, I’m too lazy to do it myself. I also have no artistic talent. Yes, I was the jackass that pawned off all my elementary school group art projects on a girl.
Anyways, here you go:
“Chuck Armstrong traded my Rally Fries for a player to be named later.”
Please design and enjoy.
If you can somehow work in one of these :( that would be even better.
If you can get this thing up at tonight’s game, I’ll come find you and we’ll chill for a bit. I’ll spot you, don’t worry. There will only be like 25 or 26 of us in attendance.
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