Super Megapost II

Admittedly, we’ve missed a number of impactful stories in the past few days. March Madness will do that to you. But since many of you have looked for our take on these issues, we’re here to offer the official Seattle Sportsnet opinion up in the second all-time edition of our Super Megapost.

Because some things are simply too big to be ignored.

Charlie “The Second Coming” Whitehurst

I’m not going to pretend I’m some expert on Charlie Whitehurst. The only thing I really know is that he bears a strong resemblance to Ryan Gosling’s character in The Notebook.

But here’s the rub. Whitehurst is the first major acquisition for the new Seahawks braintrust of general manager John Schneider and president/head coach Pete Carroll. These three guys are now and forever inextricably linked to one another. They are a tripod, in essence. If one leg falls, the entire pod comes crashing down.

Which means that Charlie is under some serious pressure for a guy that, two weeks ago, was a glorified clipboard-holder in San Diego.

Whitehurst is now the Hawks’ de facto quarterback of the future, and for what the organization gave up to get him (a swap of this year’s second-round picks, plus a third-rounder in 2011), and for what he’s being paid (two years, $8 million, with the potential for an extra $2 million in incentives), he will at some point or another need to be the starter on this ballclub. No ifs, ands, or buts. As soon as Matt Hasselbeck is done, Whitehurst must step in and be a capable replacement.

If that can’t happen, or if Whitehurst proves gunshy, then Carroll and his pal Schneider will likely be rushed out of town on their investment’s backside. For their sake and for ours, we wish the very best of luck to the tripod.

Supaman!

After spending roughly 36 hours watching college basketball last week, I can knowledgeably inform you of one important piece of information: Kansas State’s Dominique Sutton IS Julius from Remember the Titans.

The Greatest Catch Ever?

Some folks are calling this grab by Ichiro Suzuki the Greatest Catch of All-Time. Seriously.

Now don’t get me wrong. It’s a spectacular catch. An over-the-shoulder diving snare that, for some, recalls images of Willie Mays. For me, it’s notorious backwards diver Alex Diaz that comes to mind.

While I do appreciate Ichiro’s all-out effort (especially in Spring Training), and while it is one of the Mariners’ right fielder’s finest all-around defensive plays, the Greatest Catch of All-Time belongs to Suzuki’s teammate, Ken Griffey Jr.

When Keepin’ It Real Goes Wrong

Among other things, new M’s outfielder Milton Bradley has compared himself to Kanye West (and Ron Artest, for that matter); been ejected three times from Spring Training contests (at least once for reasons beyond his control, more or less); started a war of words with his former employer, the Chicago Cubs; and has gone on record as saying that he’s “not going to change” who he is.

In the process, he’s given every self-loving, Caucasian, national baseball columnist something to write about (like how bad a guy he is, or how he must change, or how he’ll never succeed), and proven to fans in Seattle that he is a real, live person.

I say “real, live person” because too often we are subjected to athletes that mask their true identities with facades to rival the Berlin Wall (ahem, Tiger Woods). Milton Bradley is definitely not one of those athletes.

When I think of Milton Bradley, I’m reminded of a skit from Chappelle’s Show entitled When Keepin’ It Real Goes Wrong. For anyone who has seen the skit, you might recall that it illustrates average individuals who exhibit “real” behavior, the likes of which result in a negative outcome for those “real” people. Bradley has lived his life by this code, keepin’ it real from day one, only to watch as his reputation crumbled around him.

However, now is Bradley’s chance to rebuild his rep while still keepin’ it real. Perhaps the right environment — a winning atmosphere, with a blend of young talent and veteran leadership — is exactly what Bradley needs to thrive both physically and mentally as he reclaims his career.

Tiger and the Pornstars

You know, I was concerned for Tiger when all these strippers came out of the woodwork to announce to the world that they had had relations with Mr. Woods. Strippers are decidedly lowbrow in the world of whoredom, and you’d have to imagine that a billionaire like Eldrick — with a supermodel wife, no less — could pull better women than that.

But now, in recent days, a handful of pornstars have emerged and issued statements claiming that they had sexual encounters with the world’s greatest golfer. You have to appreciate that if you’re Tiger. He was probably waiting on these ladies to arrive to the party. It’s like promising all your nerd friends that the cool kids are coming, only to wait, and wait, and wait, and finally have them show up with the beer bong and microwavable taquitos at the last possible second.

The only thing I really find disturbing is one account of a three-way Tiger engaged in with two ladies of the computer screen. Can you really picture Tiger Woods telling someone to rub his balls and someone else to bring those chest pillows over here? In that voice? I don’t think so.

Tim Tebow, Epic Fail

In what is quite possibly the best story ever, a report from ProFootballTalk.com details a prayer request from Tim Tebow gone terribly awry.

To briefly sum it up, Tebow and his NFL Combine constituents were just about to take the league’s Wonderlic test when the ex-Florida quarterback asked the 50 players in the room to bow their head in prayer. His invitation was met by one individual shouting “Shut the f*ck up,” while a number of other individuals laughed upon hearing this reply. Needless to say, no prayer took place.

Perhaps it was this lack of tribute to Tebow’s God or Gods or What-have-you that led to him earning a below-average score of 22 on the general knowledge examination. Or maybe he’s just dumb.

The Screaming Enes

Kanter to Kentucky

In case you missed it, one-time Husky basketball commit Enes Kanter signed with Kentucky on Monday, ending all speculation that he would attend the University of Washington, as promised.

A talented 6’10″ power forward, Kanter will undoubtedly be a one-and-done player who misses at least some of the 2010-2011 season due to his very shaky status as an amateur athlete. Kanter enjoyed a brief professional career in his native Turkey, but was reportedly not paid for his services. Like it matters.

My only hope is that fans of rival schools have the same kind of fun with the name Enes (pronounced “Ay-nus”) that Pac-10 fans would have had. If we can honor Borat with a “Bang Bang On The Enes” t-shirt, that would be nice.

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