Jen Mueller Cleavage Watch

Like two loaves of Seattle sourdough, sprinkled with yeast and baking alongside one another, Jen Mueller’s breasts evolved from their blouse of an oven and begged to be notice for the first time.

If you watched FSN’s broadcast of the Washington-Washington State game on Saturday, chances are you noticed one thing. Make that two things. Or perhaps, more accurately, the one thing that divided those two things.

With a little, “Hey, Bill Moos, how ya doin? My eyes are up here,” Mueller’s rising dough was the star of the show in Pullman.

Out of nowhere, there was immense cleavage, which as defined by Merriam-Webster is “the quality of a crystallized substance or rock splitting along definite planes.” Wait. That’s not it. Definition five: “the depression between a woman’s breasts especially when made visible by a low-cut neckline.”

And visible that depression was. Might as well have been the Great Depression.

As if to atone for the loss of Nicole Zaloumis, FSN is looking to every remaining member of their on-air talent for breast help, cleavage aid. They need ratings, and boobies equal ratings. Enter Jen Mueller.

Perhaps Brad Adam wasn’t fully equipped. Maybe Tom Glasgow wasn’t willing to “go there.” I don’t know. All I know is that Mueller took one for the team on Saturday, proving to the world that there are more important things in sports broadcasting than the actual game.

We’ll monitor this situation as it evolves. If anyone has a contact number for Danger Jim Forman, get that to us ASAP. We need a daring red-haired man in a yellow parka to handle this.

7 thoughts on “Jen Mueller Cleavage Watch”

  1. WOW Need ratings NBC nude broad cast corporation! SO! What did you THINK about the game? How did you FEEL about the FSN’s choice of interviewers?

  2. I noticed also. I sell bras at a department store so I noticed her ta-ta’s. It was a push-up bra, or she added something to the bra inside to enhance them. It was unlike her, but it looked sexy. Sex sells. It sells anything. She should tart up FSN more often. She is smart and pretty but boobs are good, makes you think of your childhood and milk.

  3. seriously, you really have to write an article about jen’s girls? anyone who knows jen knows that she is a serious reporter who is not out to show off anything other than her knowledge of the game and professional attitude towards reporting! amazing that that is all you noticed.

  4. Oh for god’s sake. We know you’re trying desperately to be amusing, but you’re anything but. JM probably read this….how do you think she feels about this? Mortified would be the answer to that.

    Please try to show some respect. I hope you’re capable of better.

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