Like two loaves of Seattle sourdough, sprinkled with yeast and baking alongside one another, Jen Mueller’s breasts evolved from their blouse of an oven and begged to be notice for the first time.
If you watched FSN’s broadcast of the Washington-Washington State game on Saturday, chances are you noticed one thing. Make that two things. Or perhaps, more accurately, the one thing that divided those two things.
With a little, “Hey, Bill Moos, how ya doin? My eyes are up here,” Mueller’s rising dough was the star of the show in Pullman.
Out of nowhere, there was immense cleavage, which as defined by Merriam-Webster is “the quality of a crystallized substance or rock splitting along definite planes.” Wait. That’s not it. Definition five: “the depression between a woman’s breasts especially when made visible by a low-cut neckline.”
And visible that depression was. Might as well have been the Great Depression.
Entering the 2009-2010 season, Will Conroy was the NBA Developmental League’s career leader in the following categories: Minutes Played, Field Goals Made, Field Goals Attempted, Free Throws Made, Free Throws Attempted, Assists, Turnovers, and perhaps most importantly, Points Scored.
He was amongst the top ten in six other categories: Games Played (8th), 3-Point Field Goals Made (6th), 3-Point Field Goals Attempted (5th), Steals (3rd), Assists Per Game (4th), and Assist Percentage (8th).
And yet in spite of all he has accomplished in basketball’s minor leagues, Conroy, the Crash Davis of the hardwood, cannot get a job in the NBA.
The only women on ice I can appreciate are right here:
And don’t even get me started on the dudes. Johnny Weir is the Adam Lambert of sports, and I mean that in the worst way. Whatever happened to the Scott Hamiltons of our world? The manly men of figure skating.
Back in 2003, you changed my life. Like a one-night stand with an older woman who’s still got it and really knows how to bring it, you blew my freakin’ mind.
Sitting in front of my parents’ television set the summer before I started college, my brother and I devoured ESPN’s second season of Streetball: The And1 Mixtape Tour (the year of the Professor) the way a fat panda bear devours the last stick of bamboo at a panda bear get-together. That sh*t was amazing.
Only a crotchety, senile old purist could see this tribute to athleticism as anything besides entertaining. “Shenanigans,” they’d say. “Absolute ridiculousness,” they’d call it. But why hate on something so beautiful?
I don’t know how anyone could listen to this and not come away feeling like a better person.
The war of words between egotistical, d-bag journalist and embattled football coach produces no winners and two big losers.
Kelly spends 18 minutes of talk time sounding like he’s on the verge of tears.
Canzano seizes the opportunity to tell you about his entire journalistic background, pausing only to iterate and reiterate the same questions over and over and over again.
As a teenager, my favorite Husky basketball player was point guard Curtis Allen.
Allen was the lone senior on the Dawgs’ 2003-2004 NCAA Tournament team during my freshman year at UW. He was a reserve at that juncture in his collegiate career, backing up the likes of Will Conroy and Nate Robinson on a ballclub that featured four future NBA players and six future pros in all. Prior to that, he spent the better part of his first three seasons as a starter.
Regarded as one of the quickest players in the Pac-10, Allen had his best season in 2001-2002, when he averaged over 12 PPG and nearly 5 APG.
Upon being carried off the court on the shoulders of the Hec Ed faithful after his final home game in 2004 (an upset win over previously-undefeated Stanford), Allen finished out his Husky playing career and embarked on a coaching odyssey that has led him to Pullman.
The 2009-2010 UW Hockey Team (Chris Mast/MastImages.com)
The University of Washington men’s hockey team concluded their 2009-2010 season on Saturday as the runner-up at the Pac-8 Tournament in Anaheim, Calif.
Making the league championship game for the second year in a row, the Huskies lost in heartbreaking fashion to USC by a score of 5-4.
In a game defined by momentum, the Dawgs led 3-2 after two periods, but were outscored 3-1 in a frantic final frame. The Trojans tapped in the winning goal with just 12 seconds remaining in the contest.
I miss the NBA. I love the NBA. I’m not going to lie, and tell you that the NBA means nothing to me since it left Seattle. The NBA still means a lot to me, in spite of the pain it has caused.
I grew up with the NBA. Watched it every Saturday morning on NBC. Watched Sonics games on KSTW, channel 11. Watched All-Star Weekend religiously. Even watched NBA Inside Stuff with Ahmad Rashad, who, if you’re my age or younger, is better associated with basketball than football.
I love the NBA enough to watch Portland Trailblazers games as often as possible, whenever they happen to be broadcast in the Seattle area. And I like the Blazers on top of that. Been to a few games in person, in fact. I know that’s absolute blasphemy to some Sonics fans, but it’s generational.
Back in the ’70s and ’80s it was impossible to root for both the Sonics and Blazers. But from about 1990 on, the I-5 rivalry lost its luster. Neither team was particularly great at the same time as the other. When the Blazers were up, the Sonics were down, and vice versa. And now the Sonics are gone. So what’s left to hate, really?
With the Husky men’s basketball team’s final regular season home game now behind us, it’s time to discuss a year of controversy surrounding Dawg Pack Dirt.
The gameday info sheet written by students, for Husky fans, and produced on these pages has created an absolute sh*tstorm over the past four months.
We’ve received compliments, complaints, national recognition, threats of physical violence, threats of legal action, and even threats on our lives in response to the work we’ve done to give Washington one of the best home court advantages in the nation. With a 17-2 home record and facing the prospect of our own mortality at the hands of internet tough guys, we must be doing something right, right?
As the owner of numerous fantasy teams named “Boner From Growing Pains,” this is a situation that is absolutely near and dear to my heart.
Andrew Koenig, the actor best known for the role of Richard “Boner” Stabone on perennial ’80s sitcom Growing Pains, has gone missing in Canada.
Koenig was last seen on Valentine’s Day and failed to board a flight out of Vancouver, British Columbia on February 16. He was reportedly staying with friends, but has not been heard from in over a week.
On Growing Pains, Koenig gave life to Mike Seaver’s close friend and confidant, Boner. To say that Boner was my favorite fictional TV character of all-time would be an understatement. He ranks well above Higgins, from Magnum P.I.; Paul, from The Wonder Years; Dwight Schrute, from The Office; and even Carl Winslow, from Family Matters.
Of all the problems the University of Oregon has faced with their athletes in the past few months, this one is the best, the most entertaining, and the one you can learn the most from.
Jamere Holland, former wide receiver on the Duck football team, proved over the weekend that updating your Facebook status thoughtlessly can be as egregious an action as DUI, assault, theft, domestic violence, or even animal cruelty (some might call it cannibalism).
Holland, a redshirt freshman with a bad goatee, was dismissed from the program on Sunday after posting consecutive Facebook status updates that more or less destroyed his reputation for the next few years. Worse yet, the 21-year-old had not applied any of the social networking site’s privacy settings to his account, allowing anyone with a computer to view his entire user profile. Whoops.
Kevin Davis (in blue) takes a jumper in the 2009 WIAA State Tournament.
According to multiple sources, Todd Beamer High School (Federal Way, Wash.) senior Kevin Davis was on campus yesterday for Washington’s 97-68 victory over UCLA.
There are many of you out there who probably don’t know much about Davis, but he’s a unique case to say the least.
First, let’s examine the tangibles.
Davis stands a slender 6’8″ and is well-built despite his lanky stature. With long arms and deceptive quickness, the forward has been a stat monster throughout the ’09-’10 prep season.
Davis is averaging over 22 PPG for Beamer so far this year, and has recorded double figures in points in every single game. He has also earned his fair share of triple-doubles, a much rarer feat at the high school level than at higher levels, when game length (32 minutes, to 40 or 48 in the college or pros) and the team aspect are taken into account.
Davis is a low-post presence that has the ability to create or slash off the wing. He has been recognized as one of the better dunkers in the region, but must work on his shot to be effective at the next level.
Like two loaves of Seattle sourdough, sprinkled with yeast and baking alongside one another, Jen Mueller’s breasts evolved from their blouse of an oven and begged to be notice for the first time.
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