Seattle Sportsnet

Taken directly from the front page of SeattleTimes.com from an article on the Cultural Olympiad.

We’ve censored the image after the jump for the good of our readers. But if you’re really interested in seeing the real thing, you can find it here.

I guess all you can really say is, “Oops.”

And maybe a, “Sorry for the boner.” That would be nice.

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Quincy Pondexter, Isaiah Thomas, The Situation, and Pauly D.

Noting the vast similarities between the guidos and guidettes of MTV’s Jersey Shore and the members of the Washington Huskies men’s basketball team, we’ve taken the liberty of re-casting the reality series with some purple-and-gold ballers who you’re sure to recognize. Enjoy.

Guido No. 1: Isaiah “The Situation” Thomas

Determined to be the center of attention, The Situation is all about looking out for number one. Or perhaps in Thomas’ case, No. 2.

Able to blend a certain amount of charm with his me-first attitude is what makes The Situation special. Yeah, he’s a little cocky. But he’s also entertaining and, to a certain degree, likable.

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Like a flashback episode in the middle of a grueling TV season, we’re attempting to carry ourselves through a lazy Sunday with this countdown of Seattle Sportsnet’s most popular posts in our 14-month history.

If you’ve never read these 11 articles before, chances are you’ll get a good sampling of our best work.

And if you have read them, take some time to revisit past memories.

Without further ado, on to the list.

11. Mississippi State’s Jarvis Varnado, the Second Coming of Jesus

(Original print date: Mar. 17, 2009)

Detailing the otherworldly exploits of Mississippi State basketball player Jarvis Varnado, this Chuck Norris-esque personal profile gave Husky fans something to smile about, while bringing out the worst in the MSU faithful.

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For those of you Husky fans frustrated by the basketball team’s lack of heart in recent games, allow me to recommend a group of UW students that wear their hearts on baggy, oversized sleeves: the Husky hockey team.

If Lorenzo Romar is looking to breathe life into his struggling ballclub, maybe he should send his players to watch their ice skating classmates in action. These guys play for pride and little else, paying their own fees, raising their own funds, and relentlessly going balls to the wall for nothing but the “Washington” on the front of their jersey.

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The Mariners released their 2010 promotional schedule on Friday, and it contains some interesting giveaways. Here are a few highlights:

-Three (3) Ken Griffey, Jr. bobblehead nights

Including a 1989 rendition of Griffey (Apr. 16), a ’95 slide likeness (May 7), and a dual Junior/Ichiro “Cooperstown Bound” figurine (Jun. 18).

-Two (2) other bobblehead nights

Felix Hernandez (Apr. 30), and Ichiro (Aug. 27). So if you miss out on the Griffey bobbleheads, you can try to justify it with Felix or Ichiro. Which is hardly any justification at all.

-Military Coin Night (Apr. 17)

This giveaway in association with Salute to Armed Forces Night wouldn’t be that big a deal EXCEPT that it’s a post-game giveaway. Yeah. Makes no sense, right? Now it’s a battle to see which of you 20,000 fans can get out of the park the quickest.

-Ichiro Designed T-Shirt Night (May 1)

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Mike Jensen has gotten a bad rap.

The Bill Buckner of Husky Basketball, to some, Jensen has had his entire career defined by one play.

With a trip to the 2006 NCAA Tournament quarterfinals on the line, Jensen committed a personal foul that has, for better or worse, lived in relative infamy.

Armed with a four-point lead and roughly 11 seconds left in the game, Jensen made a defensive play on Connecticut’s Marcus Williams, only to foul him on a made layup. The basket cut Washington’s lead to two. The ensuing free throw narrowed it to one.

On the following possession, Brandon Roy was fouled and sent to the line. He knocked down both free throws, stretching Washington’s lead back out to three.

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Considered the best starting pitcher left on the free agent market, Joel Pineiro was signed yesterday to a two-year, $16 million deal by the Orange County Angels of San Luis Obispo.

Pineiro, who was really good in the National League and pretty crappy in the American League, is looking to solidify an Angels’ rotation that lost ace John Lackey to the Boston Red Sox.

Without wasting any time to look up stats, Pineiro was one of the better pitchers in the NL over the past two years while with the St. Louis Cardinals.

Prior to that, he enjoyed a short stint with the Boston Red Sox, as well as a number of years with your Seattle Mariners.

A once-promising prospect, Pineiro started his career with a bang, then, like a marriage gone awry, watched the magic fade fast.

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Jack Zduriencik is not perfect. He has yet to make the playoffs as a general manager, and some would argue that he’s slightly out of shape.

But if you look at what this portly bald man has accomplished in the past four months, you have to be excited. With nearly every offseason transaction, Jackie Z. has hit a veritable home run. The man is part genius/part guru, and we love it.

In fact, we love it so much that we’ve taken the time to break down the Top 11 reasons why you should get on your knees and really love Dr. Z. I mean, really love him. Use your imagination.

11. He was ballsy enough to non-tender that ornery bastard Erik Bedard

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Without worrying about rhetoric, here’s the biggest problem the Huskies are currently facing in their game planning: the zone defense.

Everybody and their mother knows the Dawgs can’t compete against the 2-3 zone, hence every team plays zone against the Huskies.

UCLA employed the 2-3 zone for nearly the entire game Thursday, and in the end it was enough to defeat the Huskies.

The 2-3 zone is designed to prevent offensive penetration. Since the Huskies feature a number of adept penetrators, opponents are basically out to neutralize the likes of Isaiah Thomas, Venoy Overton, Quincy Pondexter, etc. by utilizing the zone.

Ideally, when facing a 2-3, an offense would like to enter the ball into the high post (the area around the free-throw line) and maneuver it through passes out of that area.

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"brian davis is a traitor"

From time to time, we like to bring you some of the more unique search terms to lead readers to Seattle Sportsnet. As always, these are actual search terms entered in by actual people who found their way to our site. Enjoy.

-”curvaceous women”

-”harden asu bong”

-”guys ass” (I should note that this is the second time this search term has made one of these lists. Additionally, this term led people to our site every day for a week straight.)

-”lando calrissian”

-”college nude scandal”

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In case you missed our chat with Ian Furness on 950 KJR this afternoon, here’s a link to the podcast for your listening enjoyment.

Big thanks to Josh “Pink Headband” Sabrowsky for getting us the link, and of course to Ian Furness and all the guys at KJR for making our visit possible. With any luck, we’ll be back at it again soon!

And again, thanks to all of you for supporting us through everything. Couldn’t do it without you guys!

Even on a day when you sign a contract, you’re overshadowed. Such is the life of a middle reliever with a 100-mph fastball.

The Seattle Mariners avoided arbitration with righthanded pitcher Mark Lowe on Tuesday, agreeing to terms on a one-year, $1.15 million deal.

It just so happened to be the same day the team also reupped with closer David Aardsma (one year, $2.75 million), and reached a preliminary agreement on a five-year contract extension with one Felix Hernandez. So yeah, you might not have noticed that Lowe was returning.

The 26-year-old Texas native made the major league minimum salary in each of his first four seasons in the league. The annual income of $1.15 million for the 2010 season is more than twice what Lowe was making a year ago.

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Tune in live to the Ian Furness Show on 950 KJR AM Seattle Thursday afternoon (today or tomorrow, depending on when you read this) and join a segment featuring none other than — yes, believe it — Seattle Sportsnet.

We’ll be taking the airwaves with Ian around 2:20 PM local time, and you can expect us to address any number of subjects. From Hugh Millen, to Dawg Pack Dirt, to FSN, to all things that you, the fans, want to hear about.

If you’re not near a radio, you can catch the streaming broadcast at 950KJR.com. And if you miss it altogether, we’ll do our best to get the podcast up on the site as soon as we can.

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FSN. Like an itch on your balls that you just can’t scratch because you’re talking face-to-face with a girl who is clearly better looking than you and you do not want to ruin this, they pretty much annoy the hell out of you.

On the plus side, they provide a service that many of us can’t live without: sports, live, on television, for our enjoyment.

On the other hand, they suck at providing that service. And so we have a catch-22.

Last week, we fanned the flames of war by first posting a critique of the embattled sports network, followed shortly thereafter by a mock interview with an FSN employee.

Surprisingly, we managed to score a reaction from FSN with the airing of our dirty laundry. They sent one of their plebes to handle us through email, and wouldn’t you know it, they screwed that up, too.

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Here at Seattle Sportsnet, most of our time on this website is devoted to you, the fans. We write for the fans, on behalf of the fans, and wouldn’t you know it, we’re fans too. That’s just how we roll.

But sometimes, we need to abuse this coveted space for some shameless self-promotion, and that is what we are here to do today.

You see, as the creator of this fine institution, I am blessed with the ability to carry out my ideal hobby in writing publicly for all of you. And I stress hobby, because I barely get paid to do this. Which is fine, because this has never been viewed by me, nor anyone else, as a money-making venture. Every penny I take in because of this website is strictly a bonus, and it will always be that way.

But there comes a time in every man’s life when he needs a job. Not a hobby. Not a part-time affair. A real job. For me, that time is now.

As a University of Washington alumnus with eight-years of sales and management experience, two years professional journalism experience, and 14 months of running this website, I would argue that I am qualified to do almost any job known to man. I could run the Detroit Lions, or close big money deals, or perhaps sit at a desk and file TPS reports. Fact is, I’m very versatile. Like Willie Bloomquist, only way more productive.

That is why I come to all of you now — as my associates, my connections, my readers, my fans — seeking employment. Because you need me, and I need you. We need each other.

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