In an effort to preserve the family atmosphere at Safeco Field, the Seattle Mariners have announced that newly signed free agent Chone Figgins will have his first name censored in and around the ballpark.
“We strive to create an atmosphere that is appropriate for all ages at Safeco Field,” said a statement issued by the team. “Because of that, we will be referring to Mr. Figgins as ‘Joseph David Figgins’ during his tenure with the ballclub. We wanted to go with a nice, Biblical name that everyone would approve of.”
The team cited the spelling of Figgins’ first name as the reason for the change. Despite the fact that his name is pronounced “Shawn,” the confusing arrangement of letters often misleads people into pronouncing it as it looks, Chone.
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Most experts seem to think that Jake Locker has already played his final game for the University of Washington football program. A surefire first-round pick at quarterback, Locker would undoubtedly earn millions of dollars were he to turn pro in time for the 2010 NFL Draft.
Me, however, I tend to disagree. I think Locker sticks around for his senior season on Montlake. You could make the argument that he’s better off leaving early for the NFL, but I’m here to tell you why the Huskies’ signal-caller will be back under center next fall.
1. Ready or not?
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Michael Scott
You all know Michael Scott. He’s the character played by Steve Carell on NBC’s The Office. The regional manager of the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin — a failing paper company — Scott is an oblivious egocentric who has few friends, a failed love life, little power within his company, an inflated sense of self-worth, and is willing to do anything and everything to get people to like him. Including lying.
Over the course of The Office’s six seasons, Scott has perpetuated his image by promising (and failing to deliver upon) surprises and raises to his subordinates, and most recently pledging the cost of college tuition to an entire group of teenagers, only to realize he barely had enough money to cover one individual’s books. And so it goes for Michael Scott.
That said, it’s not often that we find ourselves a real-life Michael Scott in the everyday world. Enter Brandt Andersen, owner of the NBA Developmental League’s Utah Flash.
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In an effort to preserve the family atmosphere at Safeco Field, the Seattle Mariners have announced that newly signed free agent Chone Figgins will have his first name censored in and around the ballpark.
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