Seattle Sportsnet

Admit it. When you think Seattle Sportsnet, you think warm and heartfelt.

Anyways, here goes, in list format.

-How is Elston Turner such a great shooter, but so bad at the free-throw line? Come on, Elston. You’re entering Artem Wallace territory at the stripe. 29% isn’t gonna cut it, bud.

-Why is the Serbian big man (Chodeaderavitch, or whatever it is) wearing a shooting sleeve? Maybe he’s from the Serbian projects. He’s a Serbian thug.

-Where is Abdul Gaddy right now? Zero points, zero assists, zero rebounds, zero steals, 0-1 shooting, and four (4) fouls. That’s not a pretty game line.

-Didn’t know Tim Donaghy was a Big 12 official. You may have seen him botch an out-of-bounds call near the end of regulation. Where’s Chad Ochocinco with a buck when you need him?

-Speaking of the officials, f*ck those guys.

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When you think of a talented high school quarterback, you probably picture an all-around athlete. The type of kid who plays multiple sports, is versatile, and pulls chicks like a Christmas sale at The Gap. And then there’s Jake Heaps.

I’ve had the pleasure of watching the Skyline High School quarterback play on three occasions this year. Twice against Bothell, once against Oaks Christian of California. He’s an incredibly gifted pass-thrower who is worthy of all the accolades he has received, without question. He tosses an accurate deep ball, makes good reads, and spreads the ball around to all his receivers.

That said, the kid defies our image of a high school quarterback. To be perfectly honest, I’ve never seen a less athletic-looking prep quarterback who was this good until Heaps came along. Which makes him an absolute anomaly in terms of his prowess on the gridiron.

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Dwight K. Schrute

Every now and then we like to bring you a list of the more unique search terms that have directed readers to our website. This is our latest installment. Enjoy.

-”greasy hair”

-”alex flanagan is hot”

-”rich moore 950 kjr”

-”brian davis huskies”

-”dwight schrute”

-”erik bedard cancer”

-”where’s the nba?”

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Credit Ian Furness with providing the inspiration for this article. The afternoon radio host on 950 KJR wanted to know what the best rivalry in the Northwest was. There are any number of answers to this question, none right, none wrong. But undoubtedly, there are rivalries that are often overlooked. We present those to you in this week’s Top 11.

Because there’s more to life than just Huskies versus Cougars.

11. Ichiro Suzuki vs. The English Language

Like a coy zen master, Ichiro manipulates the English language with the calculated finesse of a rock gardener over his rock garden. Sometimes he speaks it, sometimes he doesn’t. Just depends on the chi of Ichiro at that precise moment.

One thing that remains true is that for eight years now, the Mariners have employed a translator at Ichiro’s behest. The rumor is that the M’s right fielder chooses to utilize his English-speaking mouthpiece so as not to look foolish in the public eye or be misquoted. Okay.

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