30 Reasons To Hate The University Of Oregon
Posted by Alex on October 23, 2009
Because everyone could use another reason to despise Whoregon.
30. Chip Kelly. What a smug bastard.
29. The mascot. Even he can’t stay out of trouble.
28. Steve Prefontaine. There was something not quite right about that malnourished hippie.
27. Mac Court. An ugly, disease-infested building.
26. Animal cruelty charges. Duck on duck violence. We make an example out of Michael Vick, but give these guys a free pass. That’s messed up.
25. Their plethora of draft busts. If you’re a fan of a pro sports franchise and your team drafts a Duck, you might as well mail in the next five years.
24. Akili Smith. He was plain horrible. Just horrible. Franchise-murdering horrible.
23. This monstrosity. Scaring your children since 2007.
22. Richie Incognito, aka the guy who was sleazy enough to get into Oregon, but too sleazy to play.
21. Luke Bellotti. The part-time kicker and full-time drunk son of ex-head coach and current AD Mike Bellotti.
20. The rape and pillage of Donald Duck. It’s actually worse than this. Much, much worse.
19. The cheerleaders. They’re fun to look at, but they’re basically fembots. Rumor has it that if you get with any of them they snap your penis off and then eat you after the sex, not unlike spiders.
18. Mark Few. He’s an Oregon alum, ya know.
17. Onterrio “The Whizzinator” Smith. You already know about his pee-pee machine scandal. You may not know that he just got arrested again.
16. These jerseys.
15. Daniel Levitin. Who? He’s a musician who doubles as the sound designer for Chris Isaak. So it’s his fault that Chris Isaak is making music.
14. Second-hand Lukes. Take your pick: Jackson or Ridnour. Either way, you’re extremely disappointed.
13. These jerseys.
12. Green and yellow. The colors of vomit and piss, respectively.
11. These jerseys.
10. Autzen Stadium. The gateway to hell. Satan plays his home games here.
9. These jerseys.
8. The city of Eugene. A place that, when viewed from space, is simply a black mark on the globe.
7. The whole shady Nike relationship. Everything about Phil Knight’s support for his alma mater seems wrong. And yet there’s nothing we can do to stop it. This must be how the FCC feels when Family Guy is broadcast.
6. The logo. An ‘O.’ That’s the best you could do? Your fans can’t even form the logo with their hands. They can do triangles, squares, rectangles, seemingly every other shape. But ask them to form an ‘O” and they proudly display something that vaguely resembles an ‘A’.
5. These jerseys.
4. Ernie Kent. From extramarital affairs in Mexico to just generally being an ass, there are thousands upon millions of reasons to despise Ernesto.
2. Joey Harrington. Whether you’re from Seattle, Pullman, Corvallis, Palo Alto, Berkeley, Los Angeles, Tucson, Tempe, Detroit, Miami, Atlanta, or New Orleans, you know what I’m talking about.
1. The fans. Worst Fans in America. Hands down. From the iconic Pit Crew to the scum-of-the-earth alums that spew venomous taunts at opponents like they were nouns, there is little regard for human decency in and around the University of Oregon and no rhyme or reason for their behavior. Just bad breeding, I guess.
Anonymous said
Oregon by 3 TDs…at least!
Tony Sagami said
Great read as always. God has no pity on Whoregon.
Anonymous said
I guess we can take back Unger and Reed then?
defecta said
LOL angry washington fan with too much time on his hands
Alicia said
How about.. their blatant amnesia about football prior to the 1990’s. Football wasn’t invented when you started winning, Ducks!
Let’s go Dawgs!
Huck the Fuskies said
Lol pure hate. I swear reading this was like listening to a kid with down syndrome saying he is going to kick your ass. No matter how you try and defend yourself Husky fans, you will always be gayer then a 3 dollar bill.
Alex said
Typical Duck. Manages to offend handicapped persons, homosexuals, Husky fans, and three-dollar bills all in two sentences. What do you have against three-dollar bills, Duck?
Bryan said
@Anonymous
Take em…they smell like patchouli anyway. Go play bongos hippie, and cut your hair!
chico said
My God!! Those quackers have the MOST obnoxious fans, winning isn’t enough for them they continue screaming the entire game NOOOO DON’T LET THEM SCORE! give it a rest. And the guy standing on the edge top level with the sombrero, get a grip the officials CANNOT hear you, what is the purpose of your sombrero? I thought that was to humiliate your basketball coach and his indiscretions, not something a duck fan should be wearing!
SeattleDuck said
I notice you’re suspiciously silent today. Can’t wait to read your recap of yesterday’s Massacre at Montlake, Alex.
jc said
“Roboduck” or whatever he’s supposed to be called, was introduced in 2004 but I will admit it was a ridiculous idea (Evinced by the nearly instant rebuking). Walt Disney (friend to Len Casanova) personally designed that “rape” as you call it. Green and Yellow are bad colors? Where was this animosity towards the crayon box when Seattle still had an NBA franchise? And dissing Oregon for having an O for a logo…what is Washington’s logo??? My favorite: the whole hippie thing. I guess you’re ready to disown Jimmie Hendrix!
When you re-post something like this next year maybe you could add, “Oregon has crushed Washington 6 years in a row.” What other reason does one need to hate a team?
I was hoping UW was going to at least be competitive again but after rolling over like a good little doggy again this year, I guess us hippies are going to have to go back to the bongs and hope UW and the rivalry is relevant again next year.
DUDE, GO DUCKS BRO!
conspiracyzach said
In case you run out of reasons to hate UO there are many more here: http://www.youtube.com/luddite333
Anonymous said
Love it! I’m from Oregon but go to OSU…..DUCKS suck….or should I call them Fucks!