Monthly Archives: September, 2009

Dear BYU: You Need To Recruit This Kid

mercadoThe look on his face says he’d be perfect for your school.

This article also shows his willingness to do whatever it takes to kick.

It’s not every day we hype up prep athletes with bright futures.

But this kid, Cameron Mercado, looks like perfect BYU material. Just gotta get that crazy look in his eye out of there. And whatever it is he’s storing in his cheeks.

*Special thanks to Jeremy for passing along the linked article.

Hawks Sign Ex-Husky RB Louis Rankin

Arizona Washington FootballThe Seattle Seahawks have signed former University of Washington running back Louis Rankin to their practice squad, according to the team’s website.

Rankin, who rushed for over 1,000 yards during his senior year at UW in 2007, has spent the past two seasons with the Oakland Raiders.

The 6′1″, 205-pound tailback was on Oakland’s active roster for two games this season, acting as the team’s kick returner early on.

Rankin was released prior to last Sunday’s game against the Denver Broncos. There was some speculation that the Raiders were attempting to sign Rankin to their own practice squad, were he able to sneak through waivers.

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Unique Search Terms Used To Find SeattleSportsnet

A list of some of the search terms that have directed internet users to the website in recent days. There are some weird ones. Enjoy.

  • tari free kube
  • maitre gay
  • guys ass
  • is boise state overrated
  • college guy ass

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Mike Blowers Is A Witch…Make That A Warlock

mikeblowersAt one time or another, we’ve all made some outlandish predictions in life. If you’re a baseball fan, chances are you may have made a few more crazy prognostications than the average human being.

Trying to forecast an at-bat or a certain play can keep a slow baseball game going. So-and-so is going to hit into a double play, John Doe is going to strike out, Joe Blow will pop this one up. Stuff like that.

I’m just going to go out on a limb here and say that no one — and I mean NOBODY — has ever correctly made a baseball prediction as insane as the one Mariners color commentator Mike Blowers made on Sunday afternoon.

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Delonte West Doing His Best Maurice Clarett Impression

delontewestThe Delonte West saga continues in Cleveland.

The former Seattle Supersonic was absent from the Cavaliers’ first practice of the season today, after an offseason filled with turmoil. His absence was unexcused.

West — who way back when we dubbed one of the weirdest-looking athletes in existence — was recently arrested for carrying half the cheat code set of Grand Theft Auto in his car.

After being pulled over for a moving violation in Maryland, police discovered two handguns and a shotgun, all fully loaded, hidden in a guitar case in West’s vehicle. No word on whether brass knuckles, a baseball bat, a chainsaw, a sniper rifle, or money from hookers could be secured.

Frankly, if you’d ever seen Delonte West up close or simply heard him speak, you might not be all too surprised to find out he’s an amateur gangster. Not to be judgmental or anything.

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We Follow You, Hugh Millen

hughmillen3If there’s one man you should know, it’s Hugh Millen. Out of all the dudes out there, he is your guy. Forget about Barack Obama, or Ryan Seacrest, or even Y.E. Yang. If you’re not following Hugh Millen, you aren’t truly living life. And that’s a scientific fact. Hugh can prove it to you, because Hugh’s a genius.

Some of you may remember Hugh when he was a quarterback, first at Seattle’s Roosevelt High School, then at Santa Rosa Junior College, the University of Washington, and finally the NFL.

Hugh was damn good at what he did back in the day, tossing footballs to receivers of varying talent like pebbles into the ocean. He helped the Huskies win the 1985 Orange Bowl as a junior, and backed up Hall of Famers like Troy Aikman and John Elway when he ultimately made it to The League.

A fool would attribute the successes of the Aikmans and Elways of the world to hard work, perseverance, and God-given ability. A much smarter individual would credit the likes of Hugh Millen for lighting a fire underneath their first-string counterparts and thus enabling the greats of the game to play at such a high level.

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Seahawks’ Green Jerseys Are Obnoxiously Glorious

Bears Seahawks FootballOr gloriously obnoxious, depending on your point of view.

Either way, the Seahawks’ brand new alternate uniforms are just ugly enough to be sexy, which should enlighten all of us as to how Catherine Zeta-Jones feels about Michael Douglas.

Fact of the matter is, these colors don’t run (heh, stole that one from country music and the confederates), and if you’re part of the 12th Man you best be on board with the lime-aid tops the ballclub might don from time to time.

No, they’re not beautiful and really, they’re not meant to be. But they do make a loud statement in the form of a big green middle finger to the rest of the league: Eff you and your conventional color patterns, league. We’re doing things the Xbox way in Seattle.

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Well That Was Ugly

Washington Stanford FootballCongratulations to me, for watching the entirety of that massacre.

And that was after dropping $5.99 for the right to watch Fox’s Crappiest Station.

I think I’m gonna print off an invoice and send it to Chip Kelly, ask if he’ll reimburse me for my purchase. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Get out your checkbook, Chip.

The only bright spot from this evening is that we weren’t stuck with Barry Tompkins and Petros Papadakis on the call. Not that our broadcast crew was any better, or anything. You really think the University of Washington is in Bellevue? Nobody has ever made that mistake.

Oh, and sideline wench, stop trying to play up the fact that the Tree actually had living bodies in the crowd and they occasionally made some noise. That’s a 50,000-seat stadium that was dead empty most of the game. Those are some of the worst fans in sports, period, and it’s an indictment on every other sports fan around the globe when you make sh*t up about those future rocket scientists and their indifference towards athletics.

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Add LZ Granderson To The List of “Sportswriters Who Should Be Doing Other Things”

lzgrandersonThis monstrosity is LZ Granderson’s most recent column.

LZ Granderson is ESPN’s resident homosexual columnist, and somehow or another he always finds a way to incorporate his social cause (gay rights) into every single article he writes. I would have to imagine that if you were a gay guy who was into sports, LZ Granderson would only ruin it for you.

My first exposure to Granderson came during the whole, big, giant Tim Hardaway scandal. Hardaway made an inappropriate comment about gay people, and LZ Granderson suddenly had a purpose in life, filing a new story seemingly every minute. It was, to say the least, annoying.

And now, with nobody out there making ill-advised statements about gay people, Granderson is struggling once again to come up with new material.

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Mark May Thinks He Knows What He’s Talking About

markmaylaughDeadspin is wrong.

They waste time hating on NFL analyst Mark Schlereth when it’s another Mark that torments sports fans the world around.

That would be Mark May, ESPN college football analyst and former NFL offensive lineman.

The oddly-bespectacled May is the bane of yours, my, and our existence and arguably the smartest-sounding dumb guy in the history of sports media.

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In case you missed it…

kjrYou can listen to KJR’s broadcast of Chopper 950 by clicking here.

Great work by Captain Abker, and a special thanks for getting the unwarranted shot in on Oregon head football coach Chip Kelly!

Chopper 950 Flies For Seattle Sportsnet, Husky Nation

brianabker

The Captain of Chopper 950, Brian Abker

It doesn’t matter who USC starts at QB…USC will win this game by 3 touchdowns…Dawgs are better than last year, but that’s equal to saying Kathy Griffin looks better after plastic surgery.”-Brian Abker, 9/18/09.

I picture this quote flashing ominously across the Jumbotron at Husky Stadium, minutes before the 2009 Apple Cup is set to kick off.

But first, we need some highlights of Husky heroics from days gone by.

Steve Emtman recording a vicious sack, Mario Bailey hauling in a deep touchdown pass, Marques Tuiasosopo running in for a score. All amidst a soundtrack of foreboding music.

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Vacation Time

oregon11Loyal Readers,

It’s that time of year again. The time where I must vacate this website temporarily as I embark on a vacation. In this case, it is but a mini-vacation for three days in Oregon. I know what you’re thinking. Whoregon. Ugh.

On behalf of the Oregon Chamber of Commerce, not all of the great state of Oregon is a despicable place to visit. Eugene is, there’s no denying that. But my family vacations on the coast, which is miles and miles away from Duck country and is a wonderful place to stay a couple days.

What this means is that the site won’t be updated as frequently between now and Saturday as it usually is. There will still be a post here and there, and it is absolutely imperative that you check back later in the week to read about the captain of Chopper 950 and my bet-losing adversary Brian Abker.

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Gutsy Performances Lift Husky Football Back To Relevance

uwusc3Pressed to find a single, solitary word to describe the University of Washington football team and their monumental upset over conference rival USC, one would have to give considerable thought to “gutsy.”

Gutsy (adj., slang): marked by courage, daring, or determination in the face of difficulties or danger; brave; spirited; bold.

Gutsy, as in quarterback Jake Locker’s 21-35, 237-yard passing performance, capped off by a legendary fourth quarter march down the field to set up a game-winning field goal. Locker, a junior and arguably one of the best quarterbacks in the nation, rushed four yards for Washington’s only touchdown in the game, late in the first quarter.

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Washington Ranked No. 24 In Latest AP Poll

fouchfolkRead it here for yourself.

Can’t say I saw this coming. Figured it would take another win or two to lock down a spot in the Top 25. I guess it’s not just us Husky fans that believe in the coaching staff and these players. It’s the whole nation. Gotta love the purple and gold.

On a side note, is it at all symbolic that the Dawgs’ ranking is the same as Ken Griffey Jr.’s jersey number? Hmm….I’m beginning to see a trend, here. The Seattle sports renaissance continues….

Go Dawgs!

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