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Archive for August 20, 2009

Question: Why Is Miguel Batista Still Here?

August 20, 2009 2 comments

miguelbatista2Over the past few months, we’ve taken our shots at Miguel Batista.

First, we chastised Miggy’s awkwardly out-of-place facial hair.

Then, a couple weeks ago, we simply let the guy have it based on his continuing bout with ineffectiveness.

Now it’s gotten to the point where we need to start questioning management as to why Batista is still on the roster. Because let’s face it, there’s no good reason for the guy to still be in a Mariners uniform.

There are, however, a number of reasons why Miguel should have already seen his way out of town.

One, you have the fact that he sucks.

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Derrick Rose Cheated Everybody, But Will Never Pay The Price

August 20, 2009 5 comments

derrickroseDerrick Rose doesn’t have to play by the rules.

The former University of Memphis point guard never took the Scholastic Aptitude Test, instead having a friend sweat through the exam under Rose’s name.

The results of the SAT were then sent to the NCAA clearinghouse and the qualifying score resulted in Rose being admitted to Memphis. From there, the talented freshman helped lead the Tigers basketball team to a 38-win season and an appearance in the national title game.

Memphis ended up losing in the championship to Kansas, but now must forfeit (or “vacate,” as the pundits like to say) all 38 of their victories from that fateful 2007-2008 season.

All because Derrick Rose cheated. Knowingly cheated. And did so with zero regard for the consequences his former university now faces.

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M’s Crap On Themselves After Rain Delay

August 20, 2009 Leave a comment

Mariners Tigers BaseballYou likely didn’t see the game anyways, since it started at 10:00 AM Pacific time this morning.

But even if you started watching the slugfest, you were probably gone by the bottom of the sixth inning, following a rain delay that forced FSN to broadcast all the garbage they usually show during the middle of the weekday.

And then as soon as they got back to playing again, the Mariners decided they had had enough. They promptly allowed the Tigers to score three runs in the sixth, then gave them two more in the bottom of the ninth.

All told, Detroit racked up seven runs, including five after the soggy intermission.

The M’s tallied six behind four longballs (off the bats of Jose Lopez, Kenji Johjima, Russell Branyan, and Mike Sweeney), all coming before the delay.

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Are You S#!@@!%& Me?! Burress To Serve Two Years In Prison

August 20, 2009 1 comment

Burress Weapons Charges FootballFormer New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress is preparing to serve two years in New York state penitentiary after agreeing today to plead guilty to one count of attempted criminal possession of a weapon. Which I guess means he tried to possess the weapon in criminal fashion, but failed to do so criminally enough.

Let me just get right to the guts of this story. If Burress serves the entirety of his prison sentence, he will have spent more time in jail than Michael Vick (18 months) and Donte Stallworth (24 days) combined. So what do you get when you add one genocidal dog killer with a vehicular homicidal drunk? Apparently you get a guy who shoots himself in the leg in a victimless crime.

Let’s not overlook the fact that unlike thousands of crimes that take place in America on a daily basis, Burress’s criminal act had no victim. There was potential for a victim, yes, and there were laws broken in that Burress had no right to be toting a firearm. But outside of hurting his own damn self, Burress caused no discernable harm to anyone else.

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