Seattle Sportsnet

Because every sport has its annoying habitual routines that rub us the wrong way, we’ve created a list in tribute. Here are the Top 11 Sports Rituals We Love To Hate. Enjoy.

11. The Jumping Circle

What It Consists Of: A group of players celebrating by forming a circle and jumping up and down.

When It Occurs: Following a dramatic or unprecedented victory.

Why We Hate It: Simply put, it’s boring. There has to be some better way to celebrate than by forming an “O” and rhythmically hopping up and down like amateur moshers at a middle school dance.

I mean, come on. You’re athletes competing at the highest level, after all. You can do things with your body that most of us can barely fathom. Maybe bust out some cartwheels or back handsprings. Or even just form a different shape before jumping, like a trapezoid.

When you get right down to it, almost anything would be better than your halo of hops. Together, we can make it happen.

10. Sammy Sosa’s Kiss-Pat-Kiss-Pat Peace Sign Garbage

What It Consists Of: Sammy Sosa kissing his fingers and tapping his chest three times before making a peace sign for the camera.

When It Occurs: Following a Sosa home run.

Why We Hate It: Perhaps the only reason Sosa had enough energy to a) hit a home run, b) run around the bases, c) high five all his teammates, and d) go through his elaborate post-dinger ritual is because he was, you know, on steroids.

In fact, at one time Sosa’s little peace-pat party was a rousing good time that had the youth of America trying their best to emulate the slugger’s mannerisms. Little Leaguers nationwide were practicing Sosa’s moves just in case they, too, could blast one out of the park. Sorry, kids. The ice cream man doesn’t sell Winstrol.

Now that it’s been a few years since Slammin’ Sammy vacated the big league stage, we can look back on his happy-go-lucky routine for what it really was: a symbol of fraud.

9. NBA Pre-Game Introductions

What It Consists Of: A PA announcer over-dramatizing the names of guys like, “CALVINNNNNNNNN BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTH!!!!!!!” as well as smoke machines, video board stimuli, and laser light shows.

When It Occurs: Immediately before the start of an NBA game.

Why We Hate It: It should take no longer than five seconds to announce a player’s name, and that’s a very generous figure. On average it probably takes no more than two seconds to spit out your average name AND milk it a little bit, which PA announcers usually do to some degree.

But in recent years, the voices of NBA arenas everywhere have taken the milking to new and inappropriate levels.

Instead of “LeBRON JAAAMES!” we now have “LEBROOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNN *pause for emphasis, deep breath* JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!” It looks ridiculous in print, which should just go to show you how ridiculous it actually sounds.

On top of all that, you have an accompanying pyrotechnic display that would make the Chinese shake their heads and put away their fireworks. How NBA teams manage to flash lasers, pump smoke, detonate explosives, and broadcast high-decibel HD video board segments without giving fans seizures is beyond me.

8. Nomar Garciaparra’s Obsessive-Compulsive Batting Glove Adjustment

What It Consists Of: Nomar Garciaparra unstrapping and restrapping his batting gloves numerous times at a mind-blistering pace.

When It Occurs: Between pitches when Garciaparra is up to bat.

Why We Hate It: Attention, Nomar: You were good for like three years, at which point your little OCD habits were tolerable. People got a kick out of watching you go all Marc Summers with your bad self in the batter’s box back then, and even occasionally took the time to try and imitate your actions.

Unfortunately for you, it’s been about half a decade since you were more than just Mr. Mia Hamm.

These days, fans, umpires, teammates, and opposing players alike are sick and tired of watching you adjust and readjust your batting gloves. Before it was all fun and games. Now it’s quite possibly a mental disorder that requires psychiatric evaluation.

In addition to that, the cost of velcro keeps going up because of your frivolous waste of a non-renewable product. Maybe you can afford to keep buying stuff with velcro on it, but what about the rest of us? Think of the old folks in their senior sneakers the next time you want to unstrap, restrap, unstrap, restrap, and unstrap and restrap again.

7. Get In The Hole

What It Consists Of: A fan shouting, “Get in the hole!” at a golf course.

When It Occurs: Immediately after a golfer hits the ball at any point on the course, be it the green, the fairway, or even the tee box.

Why We Hate It: The first time “Get in the hole!” was ever shouted, it was likely thought of as unique and spirited. Fast forward a number of years and “Get in the hole!” has become the mantra of d-bag golf fanatics the world around.

Desperate for attention and seeking an outlet for their desire to shout at an otherwise-quiet event, purveyors of “Get in the hole!” syndrome attend golf events with one goal in mind.

They scrutinize the golfers, time their backswings with a stopwatch, synchronize their Timexes, gargle with seltzer water, clear their throat, spit, and grab their binoculars.

They seek the perfect lookout spot in the gallery, then survey the competition amongst them. On a good day, you’ll have maybe one or two other “Get In The Holers” in the crowd; on a bad day, six or seven. Either way, there will always be more than one.

They wait until the first golfer approaches the tee box, then strike with ferocity.

Upon contact with the ball, mayhem ensues. Suddenly, a handful of middle-aged men with little man’s complex are desperately attempting to become the first person to shout, “GET IN THE HOLE!” at the top of their lungs. No matter that this is a 550-yard Par 5 or anything.

Having achieved their sole purpose in life, Get In The Holers will carry out the trend of shouting their one and only phrase each time a golfer gets within 100 yards of their sight line. And they say golf is boring.

6. John Sterling’s “The Yankees Win” Call

What It Consists Of: Yankees radio announcer John Sterling declaring on air that “Theeeeeeee Yankees Win.”

When It Occurs: Immediately following a New York Yankees victory.

Why We Hate It: Two reasons. One, nobody really wants the Yankees to win. And two, it’s annoying as hell.

And now for a visual aid:

5. Lebron James’ Chalk Toss

What It Consists Of: Lebron James tossing hefty doses of chalk into the air.

When It Occurs: Prior to the start of a Cleveland Cavaliers game.

Why We Hate It: Unlike some of the rituals on this list, Bron-Bron’s display of powdery white goodness serves no purpose whatsover. It’s completely for attention and little else. Don’t you get enough attention as it is, Lebron?

On top of all that, the people in the good seats are subjected to the residue of James’ antics and that’s not cool.

Don’t wear your nice clothes to the ballgame or you’ll be taking them to the dry cleaners shortly thereafter with what appears to be cocaine stains across the chest. Good times.

4. The Jersey Pop

What It Consists Of: Athletes (usually basketball players) grabbing hold of either side of their jersey and pulling it outward in order to more prominently display the words written on the front of their attire.

When It Occurs: Pretty much anytime, and for no reason.

Why We Hate It: We get it, Chris Paul, you play for New Orleans. We knew that because we can read and because the font on your jersey is already like size 800. We don’t need you to pop your jersey out any farther for us to get the message. NEW ORLEANS. We see it.

And yet for some reason, athletes don’t think we see it clearly enough. What, like you showing off the name on the front of your jersey is a pledge of loyalty? Right. Tell that to your agent.

My guess is most of these guys would be willing to pop their jersey out even if it said “POOPVILLE” on the front and “MAYOR” on the back. Congratulations, idiot, you’re the mayor of Poopville and you’re hopping around with your thumbs in your pits like a retarded chicken. Your parents must be so proud.

3. The “Who, me?” Response To A Foul Call

What It Consists Of: An NBA player looking around with a look of pure innocence on his face, while angrily complaining that he did nothing wrong.

When It Occurs: Immediately after a foul has been called on said player.

Why We Hate It: Even on our 13″ black-and-white Hitachi, it is 100% evident that you hacked the living piss out of that guy driving the lane. In some states, what you just did might be a felony. In others, it could be constituted as rape. Either way, you’re guilty as sin.

The only person unaware of this fact is the aggressor himself, who almost always happens to be Dwight Howard. Not that we’re pointing fingers at anybody, Dwight, but you’re a prime example of The Guy Who Has Never Committed A Foul.

You whine, bitch, moan, shrug your shoulders, smirk, laugh, cry, drape your arm around the official, reenact what you perceive to have just occurred, squat to the ground in frustration, jump up and down in mock tantrum, put your hands on your head and look skyward, walk towards the bench in disgust, and generally ensure that you won’t get laid for a few days by making a total ass of yourself on national television. All because you just spent one of six fouls that you are allowed.

Is it worth it? I mean, really. Is it worth it?

2. The Summoning Of The Situational Lefty

What It Consists Of: A manager walking to the mound, tapping his left wrist with his right hand while simultaneously pointing in the direction of the team’s bullpen, taking the ball from the pitcher on the mound, and placing it in the trustworthy hands of the situational left-handed relief pitcher.

When It Occurs: When a left-handed hitting batter is due up to bat.

Why We Hate It: The odds say that over 70% of pitchers could get this batter out whether they threw with their right hand, left hand, or buttcheeks. It doesn’t really matter. The fact is, a good hitter will only get a hit 30% of the time.

Tell that to the manager, who noticed three things at once: 1) That his current pitcher was right-handed, 2) That he had a left-handed relief pitcher that could use some work, and 3) That, coincidentally, a left-handed hitter was coming to bat. Call it the perfect storm.

Like a general confident that his next maneuver will ultimately win the battle, out comes Johnny Polypants ready to remove his ace from the ballgame in the midst of a shutout. All because the perception is that left-handed batters have a tougher time facing left-handed pitchers. And because his ace can’t throw worth dick with the south paw.

At the same time, in comes a lanky string bean who they’ve dubbed as “crafty,” armed with a looping curveball and a heater that barely leaves a trail of steam behind it. So what if his ERA is pushing double digits? He’s left-handed dammit. That’s all that matters.

1. The Obligatory Late-Game Timeout

What It Consists Of: Calling a timeout for no reason other than that the game is almost over.

When It Occurs: In the waning seconds of a football, basketball, or hockey game.

Why We Hate It: We’re ready to go home and celebrate our team’s victory. Unfortunately, the opposing team’s coach wants his club to “work on something” in the final 30 seconds of this lost contest. It’s basically a lose-lose situation.

Out come the scrubs to practice a set play against a defense that is debating over whether they should have steak or chicken for dinner, while fans boo lustily in the direction of the visitors.

Undoubtedly, the obligatory timeout usually results in a score by the opponent because of a combination of factors: 1) The opponents don’t want to be punished by their coach for showing a lack of hustle, 2) The home team could care less what happens because the game is already won, and 3) Scrubs try infinitely harder than their first-string counterparts.

Can we make a rule where a losing team cannot call a timeout within the final two minutes of any contest where the game is out of hand? Let’s just go ahead and do that now.