Seattle Sportsnet

The Seattle Mariners have traded starting pitcher Jarrod Washburn to the Detroit Tigers for two pitching prospects.

In return, the Mariners obtained left-handed pitchers Luke French and Mauricio Robles from Detroit.

French is a 23-year-old soft-tosser who has pitched at both Triple-A and the big league level this season. Currently, he is 1-2 with a 3.38 ERA for the Tigers.

Robles is a 20-year-old Venezuelan who is currently pitching at Single-A. In four minor league seasons, the southpaw has a 16-16 record with a 3.40 ERA. In 2009, Robles has already recorded 111 strikeouts to just 41 walks.

So there’s this rumor floating around that Michael Vick could be on his way to Seattle. The perpetrators of the story come from Yahoo Sports, where the good folks over there have a knack for stirring up controversy when other media outlets won’t. Here’s a link to the article.

You had to see this coming, of course. Seattle is a liberal city, and the Hawks happen to employ Vick’s former head coach and GM. We talked briefly about this in a post from November, which you can find here.

My take on the matter is simple. I’m all for the Hawks signing Vick purely as a football-related move.

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Reason No. 9: Ian Snell

I know what you’re thinking. There is no way — NO WAY! — the Mariners can make the playoffs. It’s over. Done. The fat lady is performing her encore.

But you’re wrong. You are flat wrong.

Not only is not over, but there is plenty of time left for the Mariners to climb up the standings and send shockwaves through all of Major League Baseball.

In 1995, the team was 13 games back in August and managed to overcome all odds to win the division.

These days, we’re still in July and the M’s are a mere 7.5 games behind those very same Angels that sat atop the West 14 years ago. Child’s play.

If you’re feeling a little pessimistic about the rest of the 2009 season, we’re here to provide you with 11 reasons why the Mariners can still win the AL West. Eleven. That’s a lot.

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Jack Wilson

According to ESPN, the Mariners have just traded catcher Jeff Clement and shortstop Ronny Cedeno along with three minor league prospects to the Pittsburgh Pirates in exchange for shortstop Jack Wilson and starting pitcher Ian Snell.

Wilson will immediately assume the role of starting shortstop in place of Cedeno, while Snell should shore up the back end of the Mariners’ thin starting rotation.

Clement, the third overall pick in the 2005 MLB Draft, had fallen out of favor with the team’s front office and had spent all of the 2009 season with Triple-A Tacoma.

Cedeno, acquired in the offseason from the Chicago Cubs, had become the Mariners’ de facto starter at shortstop over the past two months. He replaced incumbent Yuniesky Betancourt, who struggled in the early going with the M’s and was ultimately traded to Kansas City just a few weeks ago.

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Speculation over a trade involving catcher Jeff Clement was brewing Tuesday night when the Mariners’ one-time first-round draft pick was removed from a Triple-A game in the third inning for a pinch hitter. The move was not injury-related, according to most sources, and does not appear to be leading to a promotion to the bigs (at least not with the M’s).

The third overall pick in the 2005 MLB Draft, Clement has struggled to find a role with the Mariners and has been stuck battling injury and ineffectiveness in the minor leagues.

As part of one of the strongest draft classes in history, Clement has been faced with great expectations since debuting with the organization four years ago.

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The Seattle Mariners are on the verge of being full-blown sellers in the hours leading up to Major League Baseball’s trade deadline, but that doesn’t mean they should consider dealing their ace.

Felix Hernandez is the heart and soul of the Mariners’ pitching staff, but in spite of that some of have suggested that trading him and capitalizing on his current value would be the smart move.

Trade Jarrod Washburn. Trade Brandon Morrow. Heck, go ahead and trade Russell Branyan if you absolutely must (though I’d prefer if you didn’t). But do not — I repeat, DO NOT — trade Felix Hernandez.

Here’s why.

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Plaxico Burress is a dumbass.

That doesn’t mean he should spend a year or longer in jail, however.

Burress, as many can recall, accidentally shot himself in the leg with an unlicensed gun in a New York night club last year. The incident was stupid, regrettable, and dangerous.

But it was also isolated and left the assailant as the only victim involved.

So why send Burress to jail for such an extended period of time for making a fool of himself?

Two reasons: He’s black, and he has a history of being a boneheaded football player. Not that any good prosecutor would ever admit this or even think to breach the topic, but it’s the truth and it’s the unfortunate reality that Plaxico Burress is currently encountering.

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It’s all but over.

But it was a damn good run.

The Mariners are prepared to become sellers in the final days before the July 31 trade deadline and we can’t pretend we didn’t see this coming.

Although, in truth, most of us expected the M’s to be selling by May or June, not lasting until the eleventh hour.

And that’s what we need to remember about the 2009 season. Not the rebuilding, not the inevitable moves that will be made in the coming days, and not even what will likely become Ken Griffey, Jr.’s swan song.

We need to remember the wins. The ride this team took us on. The unexpected success following one of the worst seasons in this franchise’s history.

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How.

How is it even possible that Miguel Batista is so anti-clutch.

And yes, you’re right, I’ve improperly punctuated the last two sentences but you know what, I’m not questioning Miguel Batista’s anti-clutchness so much as I’m simply addressing it in words.

If you look up “clutch” in the dictionary, you’ll find a picture of Miguel Batista with a red “X” through it. That’s how unclutch Miguel is. So unclutch that the dudes at Merriam-Webster figured it would make the most sense to remove the definition of “clutch” and replace it with Batista’s likeness and a big red effing “X.

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Simply put, we love Steve Spurrier because he didn’t vote for that attention whore of a bastard Tim Tebow for All-SEC preseason first team QB.

Spurrier claims it was a mistake, but I’d say it was his subconscious coming through to make the right decision.

And now Americans everywhere are in an outrage. Especially ESPN, which cannot BELIEVE, cannot FATHOM, cannot COMPREHEND why someone, ANYONE, would not vote for Lord Tebow for any award that he could capture. This is quite possibly the gravest injustice in the history of mankind.

Now Bristol’s finest are forced to take the airwaves in absolute solemnity, as if someone has just died or something.

There’s Robert Flores shaking his chubby face in pure disdain for Spurrier’s actions.

Now here comes Jay Harris with a torch, ready to burn Spurrier’s home to the ground.

Here’s Tony Kornheiser so irate over Tebow-Votegate that he just invented a new word to fully express his anger as he talked over PTI co-host Mike Wilbon for the one-billionth time: “Frumbobulated.”

Hell hath no fury like ESPN on a day when Tim Tebow has been wronged.

We need to get King Tebow’s take on this slight ASAP. Where’s Erin Andrews when you need her? Oh, right.

David Beckham came to America with one goal in mind: to turn himself into a brand and an image that would sell worldwide.

Already a megastar in most parts of the globe, Beckham wanted to expand his empire in the land of the free, a place where most people could give a rat’s ass about a fruity looking soccer player.

In fact, here in the U.S. more people were familiar with Beckham’s better half (former Spice Girl Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham) than they were with Beckham, himself, a fact that had to put a clamp on the Englishman’s ego.

So when Becks got to Los Angeles and signed the most lucrative deal in American soccer history (roughly $50 million per year, for five years, when club endorsements were factored in), expectations for the aging footballer were at an all-time high.

Alas, that was over two years ago now and Beckham has been nothing short of miserable during his tenure in America.

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There have been thousands of sportswriters across the nation who have offered their opinions on the Erin Andrews nude video scandal, and now it’s time I offered mine.

The only thing most pundits can agree on regarding the scandal is that it’s an unfortunate, heinous crime that completely violates Ms. Andrews and her privacy. From there, however, the assessments vary wildly.

Some journalists have made it their mission to aggrandize an isolated incident and accuse all men, in general, of being perverts who objectify women.

Others have taken it upon themselves to share the blame in allowing this whole mess to occur in the first place (Why’s it always gotta be about you, anyways?).

Then there are those hellbound bastards who have seized the opportunity to boost their ratings by taking further advantage of ESPN’s sideline goddess. Yes, I’m talking about you, Bill O’Reilly.

Me, I blame the system.

Because if you can’t point fingers at any one person, place, or thing, then blame the system.

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Olson was tattoed by the Detroit offense on Tuesday.

A day after getting blasted for seven runs in just 1 1/3 innings pitched, lefty Garrett Olson is likely on his way out of Seattle’s starting rotation. Olson’s impending departure creates yet another hole in the Mariners’ already-thin starting five, which is little more than a trio these days.

Beyond Felix Hernandez, Erik Bedard, and Jarrod Washburn, the M’s currently have no other starting pitchers on the active roster (assuming Olson’s starting days are behind us).

Prior to the All-Star break, the team demoted starters Brandon Morrow and Jason Vargas to Triple-A so they could continue throwing through the mini-vacation. While it appears likely that Vargas may return to the bigs in a short period of time, Morrow may be looking at more of an extended stay in Tacoma.

That limits the number of options available to fill the two vacant starting spots.

We’d like to see the team go old school and fill out a four-man staff the rest of the year (so as to maximize the effectiveness of the Big Three), but we know that probably won’t happen. So here’s a breakdown of the candidates for spots four and five in the soon-to-be-revamped quintet:

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Back in high school, I used to work at Champs Sports with a guy named Byron who had been a professional Slamball player. Standing 6’9″ tall and weighing in somewhere north of 250 pounds, Byron was essentially what you’d get if you crossed an NBA power forward with an NFL linebacker. He was big, strong, and could dunk like a mofo.

Now I had seen some Slamball games before I met Byron, but the dude definitely got me more into the fledgling sport. The reason he was working at a low-level retail establishment at the time was due to the fact that Slamball wasn’t able to renew their TV contract and had folded for a season or longer.

Fast forward six years and Slamball has finally made its long-awaited return to cable television.

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Unless you happen to be the most punch-drunk Gonzaga Bulldogs fan around, it’s easy to hate Adam Morrison.

When he was in college, the former Zag had a penchant for knocking down frustratingly impossible shots, often displayed a bad attitude, threw tantrums, yelled at teammates and coaches, didn’t hustle, wouldn’t play defense, openly wept on a national stage, rarely showered (supposedly), and refused to shave the dirty sanchez on his upper lip. Add to that the greasy crop of hair he wouldn’t cut for five years and you pretty much had the most repulsive human being on the face of the planet.

Three years later, Adam Morrison is a Los Angeles Laker who has been humbled by injuries, unfortunate circumstances, and a trade.

He no longer wears his hair long, rarely lashes out at the people around him, makes an effort to play defense, and has learned that hard work and hustle is a requirement for a guy looking to get off the bench.

The out-of-place mustache is still there, and no word on whether he showers or not, but at least fans can now look at Morrison and feel something for the former first-round pick that they never felt before: compassion.

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