Seattle Sportsnet

Open up the sports pages of either The Seattle Times or USA Today this morning, and you’ll find feature articles on the relationship between sports and Twitter, the social networking website that allows you to “tweet” short messages to friends, family, and followers regarding anything you happen to be doing at the moment.

Let me tell you something, and in telling you this I realize not everyone will agree with me, but Twitter sucks. It blows, in fact, and yes, sucks and blows are two opposing forces of nature, but whatever.

Twitter is the Macarena, it’s the Hula Hoop. A fad that has consumed the nation for no apparent reason whatsoever, save for the fact that every person who has bought into Tweeting (or “Twittering,” to some) is doing it because someone else they know did it before them. It’s a good idea because we want it to be a good idea, not because it actually is.

You know what Twitter is? Twitter is the status update box from Facebook, turned into its own website. I never thought we’d see the day where anyone defended the rights and liberties of Facebook, but that day has come, and it’s all Twitter’s fault. Twitter hijacked a Facebook creation, turned it into its own product (think TV sitcom spinoff, like Frasier to Cheers, or Joey to Friends), and subsequently got millions upon millions of people to buy into the hype. Marketing genius, for sure, but so was the Pet Rock.

We can get the same function out of Twitter that we get from the likes of Facebook, Myspace, or any one of the other social networking sites that have substance. Substance meaning you can do more than just publish one-sentence fragments of your life in 140 characters or less.

Yes, there are practical functions to Twitter, but I don’t need to explain those functions to all of you who are drinking the Kool-Aid. You can let me hear about it in the comments section, or simply keep it to yourself.

All I know is, in a nation of individuals, we have suddenly been consumed by a fad so powerful that everyone — from Shaquille O’Neal, to Tony Kornheiser, to Ashton Kutcher, to our parents, kids, siblings, and friends — is now a part of it. And that’s dangerous.

Beware, Twitter. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.