Seattle Sportsnet

For the second day in a row, FSN has lost their feed for an extended period of time during a Mariners game.

Now come on FSN, I know people have ripped on you day in and day out to get off the air, but we didn’t mean for you to do it in the middle of a game. The bar is low, yes, but somehow you’ve managed to sneak underneath it rather than setting it higher.

I’d like to say you’re better than this, but that would be a lie. Let’s just hope you can get your ish together long enough to bring us the final innings of Felix Day.

I apologize to anyone who may have accidentally uttered any of these statements over the years. It doesn’t mean you’re not a true Seattle sports fan, it just means you have some work to do. Nobody’s perfect.

11. “It’s a boy! And we shall name him Mouhamed!” Sorry, Sene.

10. “Bobblehead night, huh? No, sorry, I can’t go.” Ichiro’s fifty different bobbleheads hate you.

9. “Look, there he is! Husky Legend Casey Paus!” Eh…that was almost unwarranted.

8. “Thanks to Seattle’s new transportation system, everyone can get to the game for free!” Even George Jetson had a laugh at that one.

7. “Yes! The yellow hydro always wins!” Green for life! Red is the enemy!

6. “Oh, that? That’s just my Dan McGwire shrine.” Right next to your portrait of Rich King, no less.

5. “Two World Series tickets, please.” I need to wipe my tears now.

4. “There it is, son. One of Seattle’s greatest landmarks. We renovated it in 2011.” No, thank you, Washington State government.

3. “Honey, have you seen my Ayala jersey?” It’s right next to your Richie Sexson commemorative chucking helmet.

2. “Bill Bavasi told me to.” The answer to the question, “Why did you draft five closers in the first five rounds of our fantasy draft?”

1. “God bless Nick Licata.” Possible substitutes for Licata include Greg Nickels, Frank Chopp, or Christine Gregoire.