Erik Bedard sees the sixth inning about as often as a fat guy sees his penis.
This, of course, brings to mind a scene from Family Guy in which Stewie Griffin walks amongst a crowd of fat guys shouting, “Find your penis! One dollar, find your penis, here!”
Here’s a challenge to Erik Bedard: find the sixth inning.
“Find the sixth inning, don’t be a wimp now, find the sixth inning, here!”
This isn’t a beer league softball contest. We don’t call games after five innings have been played.
This is the Major Leagues. We go a full nine here, and we like it when our starters can last for two-thirds of a game, at the very least.
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Bill Bavasi, Super Villain
Can you blame him? It’s not like Jack Zduriencik has to try very hard.
The new general manager of the Seattle Mariners has spent the last few months attempting to put a heavy layer of whiteout over all of ex-GM Bill Bavasi’s mistakes.
Like the decision to pass up four Major League starting pitchers (one by the name of “Lincecum”) in the 2006 MLB Draft for a glorified relief pitcher (Brandon Morrow) with the No. 5 overall pick.
Or the selection of 2008 first round draftee Josh Fields, a closer out of Georgia, who just signed with the ballclub one month ago.
And now, just yesterday, another chapter of the Bavasi Failures was penned. Zduriencik and the ballclub announced that 2007 first rounder Phillippe Aumont would, like Morrow before him, be relegated to the bullpen.
Three consecutive first round picks, each one a relief pitcher.
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Simpson-Knowles Matchup Is Bracketbuster
Two curvaceous women of the music scene highlight the eight games in the Miller Lite Region of 950 KJR’s 2009 Bigger Dance Bracket.
The Jessica Simpson-Beyonce Knowles showdown is one that could have significant repercussions in the later rounds of the tournament. Both have the ability to go deep into the bracket, and either diva could provide a worthy challenge to likely second-round foe Hayden Panettiere.
Though it’s a tough choice, our official pick goes to Mrs. Romo herself, Jessica Simpson.
Simpson has the looks and the assets to pull off the W. She has the media in her grasp even when she’s not making music, and her connection to the sports world through Romo doesn’t hurt, either.
As a bonus, she’s gone from sleek and slender, to “more to love,” and back to sleek and slender all in a period of six months. That should appeal to fans of all body types.
Beyonce’s downfall comes as a result of her waning media spotlight, thanks in large part to her 2008 wedding to rapper/mogul Jay-Z. As soon as the world found out that the two superstars had tied the knot, the traveling media circus hit the road and it’s been quiet around the Knowles-Z household ever since. Though she possesses championship-caliber good looks, Beyonce will be hard-pressed to take down perennial favorite Simpson.
Breaking down the rest of the region:
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Your NCAA Tournament bracket was busted after the first weekend. So if you’re like most Seattleites, you’ve been looking forward to 950 KJR’s Bigger Dance for at least two weeks now.
This is the chance to redeem yourself after that miserable bracket you came up with not one month ago. It’s Selection Tuesday around these parts now, and before the day is done, KJR will have released their official Bigger Dance bracket, pairing 64 of the world’s most beautiful women across 32 matchups in a tournament-style showdown to crown the Queen of the Hardwood.
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Ken Griffey, Jr. launches a solo home run in the fifth inning of Monday's game. Source: AP.
Realistically, we don’t expect the 2009 Seattle Mariners to be a playoff ballclub.
That’s not going to stop us from believing, however.
The undefeated, first-place, best-record-in-the-Major-Leagues M’s are 1-0 after knocking off the Minnesota Twins in Minneapolis last night.
Though the sample size is small, if the first victory is any barometer for the rest of the season, then things are looking good for our hometown ballclub.
The M’s played a complete game, getting effective pitching and timely hitting, against one of the American League’s elite pitchers, on the road in a tough place to play.
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