Posted by Alex on April 30, 2009
We’ve uncovered the mystery man behind FSN analyst Nicole Zaloumis’ recent pregnancy. It’s Mike Jones.
Who?
Mike Jones.
Wait, who?
Mike Jones.
You heard it here first, folks. Nicole Zaloumis’ minor league baseball playing fiancee is none other than a guy by the name of Mike Jones.
Posted in Other Sports | Tagged: FSN, Mike Jones, Nicole Zaloumis | 3 Comments »
Posted by Alex on April 30, 2009
Yuniesky Betancourt is frustrating.
He’s one of those guys that always seems to complement a great play with a bonehead mistake.
He hits a double, then gets picked off second base.
He makes a seemingly impossible diving grab, then let’s a routine ground ball skip beneath his glove.
On top of all that, he has the plate discipline of Vladimir Guerrero on crack. Yuni has never seen a pitch he doesn’t like, and thus hacks at nearly everything that comes his way.
Posted in Mariners | Tagged: Mariners, Yuniesky Betancourt | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Alex on April 29, 2009
We all go to the gym. Some of us see the gym as a haven, a safe place where we can find solace and distance ourselves from the reality of our daily lives. Others view it as a workplace, an environment we submit ourselves to simply because we have to, in order to stay in shape.
No matter your reason for going, chances are you’ve experienced a few of the people on this list. People who make you reconsider your membership, and question your dedication to personal health. These are the Top 11 Gym Rats We Love To Hate.
There he is.
11. The Seal.
Vital signs: Wet as all hell.
Reason we hate him: The Seal sweats like Oprah running a marathon in a rainforest. Worse yet, he’s seemingly everywhere you go. Or at least he just was.
When you get on the bike, The Seal was just there. When you’re ready to do crunches, The Seal just used that mat. The Seal is seemingly omnipresent, and never happens to have a towel, nor the decency to clean up the mess he’s left behind.
Sure, we all sweat at some point or another. But none of us sweat quite like The Seal, who shouldn’t ever be allowed near a public workout facility.
Posted in Top 11 | Tagged: Top 11 | 6 Comments »
Posted by Alex on April 29, 2009
Open up the sports pages of either The Seattle Times or USA Today this morning, and you’ll find feature articles on the relationship between sports and Twitter, the social networking website that allows you to “tweet” short messages to friends, family, and followers regarding anything you happen to be doing at the moment.
Let me tell you something, and in telling you this I realize not everyone will agree with me, but Twitter sucks. It blows, in fact, and yes, sucks and blows are two opposing forces of nature, but whatever.
Twitter is the Macarena, it’s the Hula Hoop. A fad that has consumed the nation for no apparent reason whatsoever, save for the fact that every person who has bought into Tweeting (or “Twittering,” to some) is doing it because someone else they know did it before them. It’s a good idea because we want it to be a good idea, not because it actually is.
Posted in Featured Articles | Tagged: Features, Twitter | 6 Comments »
Posted by Alex on April 28, 2009
The Fat Toad
This quote taken from the official blog of the Long Beach Armada (of the independent Golden Baseball League), bordering on Nazi propaganda:
“Hope you speak Japanese! The flame-throwing Hideki Irabu will take the mound for the Armada in 2009. With a pitching staff that already includes Jose Lima, this is sure [to] be a great season.”
Personally, I don’t know what’s worse. The fact that the Armada hope you speak Japanese, the fact that they are trying to get people this excited about ex-Yankee Hideki Irabu, or the fact that they threw Jose Lima into the same sentence for no apparent reason (is it Lima Time already?).
As a chubby, half-Japanese seventh grader who happened to play baseball during Irabu’s rookie season in 1997, my bastard friends in middle school made the inevitable comparisons between myself and the former pitching great (I say this in jest). After enduring an entire year of being called “Hideki” (including having some folks pen the name into my seventh grade yearbook), I have to imagine that the only thing worse than being labeled Hideki is actually being Hideki.
God save the Long Beach Armada.
Posted in MLB | Tagged: Hideki Irabu, MLB | 2 Comments »
Posted by Alex on April 28, 2009
Dick Fain
A tough day at sports radio 950 KJR AM as two notable members of the staff were let go by the station.
According to a brief announcement made by Dave “Softy” Mahler, both Dick Fain and Brian “Freight Train” Lambert became casualties of the current economic state today after being laid off.
Posted in Other Sports | Tagged: 710 ESPN, 950 KJR, Brian Lambert, Dick Fain | 13 Comments »
Posted by Alex on April 28, 2009
This picture needs to be displayed more.
Can’t say I’ve heard of this happening before. University of Washington men’s basketball coach Lorenzo Romar hosted a private party at the University Village Ram on Monday, specifically for members of the Dawg Pack student section.
Romar had personally invited every Dawg Pack ticket holder either by email or phone, and spent the minutes before the party officially kicked off by walking around the room and speaking to each individual in attendance.
The party lasted from 3:00 PM to 4:30 PM and the entire restaurant was closed to the public during that time.
Posted in Husky Basketball | Tagged: Dawg Pack, Huskies, Lorenzo Romar | 2 Comments »
Posted by Alex on April 28, 2009
We have been informed that FSN’s Nicole Zaloumis has been granted maternity leave over the course of the next few weeks/months, however long it takes to pop out and then raise this kid.
While we cannot yet confirm this rumor, we can confirm that Jen Mueller was hosting the in-studio pregame show for the Mariners game (which eventually got rained out) yesterday. Mueller is usually relegated to field and sideline reporting, and the studio hosting duties are more often than not left to Angie Mentink and Zaloumis.
I think our only question is a simple one that needs to be asked: Who’s the baby’s daddy?
Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged: FSN, Nicole Zaloumis | 9 Comments »
Posted by Alex on April 27, 2009
The 2009 NFL Draft is fin, meaning Mel Kiper, Jr. has nothing to do. So we’ve gone ahead and come up with a list of 11 activities MKJ can undertake during his offseason in this week’s bonus Top 11.
11. Put together Mel Kiper’s Scripps National Spelling Bee Big Board. Because somebody’s gotta do it. And a quick reminder, Bee Week kicks off May 26.
10. Go back to plotting the hit on Todd McShay. The younger, more knowledgeable, better looking, less annoying version of Kiper is quietly becoming ESPN’s go-to guy when it comes to analysis on the NFL Draft. Think of McShay as Tim Kurkjian, to Kiper’s Peter Gammons.
9. Return to Safeway for his offseason job. “Mel Kiper, clean up on aisle seven…Kiper to aisle seven. Thank you.”
8. Get Lasik surgery to eliminate the perpetual squint. Contrary to popular belief, Mel Kiper is not Chinese.
Posted in Top 11 | Tagged: Mel Kiper, NFL Draft, Todd McShay, Top 11 | 2 Comments »
Posted by Alex on April 27, 2009
For lack of better things to do, we’ve come up with this: a Ms. Cleo-esque prediction of the futures ahead for some of the 2009 NFL first-round draft picks. With their corresponding pick in parentheses, we implore you to stick with us as we peek into the coming years. Enjoy.
(1) Matthew Stafford, QB, Detroit Lions. After running out of the end zone not once, but twice for the ‘09 Lions, Stafford will set a new rookie record for interceptions in a season and be showered with boos by the ungrateful Lion fans before the final home game of the year. In a post-game interview in late November, Stafford will break down and cry when forced with the notion that he is stuck with Detroit for the next few years.
(3) Tyson Jackson, DE, Kansas City Chiefs. Jackson, who skyrocketed up draft boards in recent weeks, will find unprecedented success in Kansas City not because of his ample talent or ability, but because his last name is Jackson.
Posted in Featured Articles, Seahawks | Tagged: Features, NFL Draft, Seahawks | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Alex on April 26, 2009
Deon Butler
Let’s cut through the crap.
One day after hitting a metaphorical grand slam with the first two rounds of the NFL Draft, the Seahawks responded in the final five rounds by striking out. Or getting hit by a pitch, at the very best.
Here’s what went down, in chronological, no bullshit order:
Posted in Seahawks | Tagged: Deon Butler, NFL Draft, Seahawks | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Alex on April 26, 2009
Yes, even Carlos is tolerable.
These days, even when the Mariners screw up, it doesn’t seem so bad.
Carlos Silva gives up a home run, and you shrug your shoulders.
Yuniesky Betancourt takes a first pitch strike (a good thing), then a second pitch strike (a bad thing), then flails on a curveball for strike three and you can’t help but laugh. The expression on his face after strike two was priceless, as if he questioned his own sanity in letting two baseballs get past his Louisville Slugger.
Posted in Mariners | Tagged: Mariners | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Alex on April 25, 2009
Max Unger
Damn these divided loyalties. First Maurice Morris, then Luke Ridnour, then Jordan Kent, and now this.
The Seahawks drafted Oregon center Max Unger in the second round of the NFL Draft, filling an immediate need on the offensive line. A great pick, save for the fact that Unger is a damn, dirty Duck.
That’s why I’m setting the bar for Unger ridiculously high. In order to fully impress me, Unger will need to snap the most beautiful ball to Matt Hasselbeck at least 99% of the time. I expect that ball to be glowing when Matthew pulls it from Unger’s behind. And should Unger ever cross paths with a Seahawk fan, I expect him to address said fan as “sir,” or “ma’am.” Because we expect a certain level of decency around these parts. Not like that barbaric outpost Eugene.
Posted in Seahawks | Tagged: Max Unger, Seahawks | 2 Comments »
Posted by Alex on April 25, 2009
When I heard that the Seahawks had drafted Wake Forest linebacker Aaron Curry with the fourth overall pick in yesterday’s NFL Draft, I nearly peed my pants.
Curry wasn’t supposed to be available at No. 4. He was supposed to be gone. The Hawks were supposed to draft receiver Michael Crabtree, or quarterback Mark Sanchez, or one of a host of offensive tackles.
Instead, they received a blessing in the form of a player that ESPN calls “the complete package.”
Posted in Seahawks | Tagged: Aaron Curry, Seahawks | Leave a Comment »
Posted by Alex on April 25, 2009
It’s NFL Draft Day, 2009. The day Mel Kiper, Jr. is proven wrong for hours on end.
Not unlike a Hawaiian meteorologist awaking to a pounding rainstorm, Kiper is forced to sit idly by and witness all his projections go down the crapper as teams metaphorically kick him in the nutsack by selecting players that ESPN’s resident draft guru never saw coming.
Yes, it’s kind of like that.
Enjoy the day. Go Hawks!
Posted in Seahawks | Tagged: Mel Kiper, NFL Draft, Seahawks | 2 Comments »
