Seattle Sportsnet

Moments after the Elite Eight matchup between Michigan State and Louisville came to an end, Westwood One radio coralled MSU guard Travis Walton and asked him his thoughts on the Spartans’ victory and advancement to the Final Four.  Without necessarily answering the question, Walton replied, “Thank you, Jesus!  This team is blessed.”

A seemingly harmless response, unless you know Jesus like we do.  Here at Seattle Sportsnet, we caught up with Jesus Christ himself, and asked Him His thoughts on the game, as well as the rest of the NCAA Tournament field.  Suffice it to say, He wasn’t pleased with Walton’s outburst.

SSN: Jesus Christ, let’s get right to it.  Did you do anything to help Michigan State win this basketball game?

JC: God, no.  I had Louisville winning it all, for My sake.  I did My best to help Terrence Williams find his shot, but I can only perform so many miracles in such a short amount of time.  Just ask Scottie Reynolds.

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If Homeland Security wants to catch terrorists, all they need to do is look for floppers.  Manu Ginobili is a flopper, and thus a terrorist.  French soccer players are terrorists.  They flop, too.  Basically, if you’re a serial flopper, chances are you’re out to destroy the world. 

And that’s what it really comes down to with flopping.  It doesn’t just scream dishonesty, or unnecessarily delay sporting events.  It doesn’t just teach children the wrong way to play the game, or force the action into the hands of officials.  No, it’s much more than that.  Flopping is a greater evil.  Flopping is the basis of a complex, villainous plot to destroy our wonderful earth.  It needs to stop.  And it needs to stop now.

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