Seattle Sportsnet

I’ve never seen two people more perfect for each other than Tim Tebow and Tyler Hansbrough. If it wasn’t against the laws of nature, I could see the two of them hooking up and bearing eight, maybe nine, beautiful children. Who knows, maybe one day they will be able to reproduce together, at which point the Dukes and Florida States of the world better watch out.

Never have there been two athletes as intense about well, everything, than the Florida quarterback and North Carolina power forward. Their combined intensity is probably just powerful enough to light up Las Vegas for three or four millennia. I’d wager that when the two of them finally do get together and make babies happen that they’ll carry out the ritual in a fashion similar to spiders, with one partner devouring the other immediately after the seed has been planted. It’s not out of the realm of possibility.

For all their prowess in the field of athletics, both Tebow and Hansbrough receive mixed reviews from the pantheon of sports fanatics around the nation. While each is beloved beyond belief at his respective academic institution, bitter rivals would just as soon see either of the two individuals run over by a bus or trampled by a pride of lions before ever putting on a uniform again. If you happen to tune into Sportscenter at any point during the day, chances are you’ll hear about one or both of these guys within 15 minutes of switching to the broadcast. It can be a bit overwhelming if you don’t have a constant hard-on for either member of the Dynamic Duo.

Which is why for all the respect we have with regards to the abilities of both Tebow and Hansbrough, it can be tough to truly enjoy what they do when they each have a fatal flaw that seems to rub so many of us the wrong way. Tebow, for example, is just way too sincere. After his team’s only loss this season, Tebow issued a statement in the post-game press conference apologizing for the defeat. The gesture was touching, but the words seemed almost scripted and made you wonder if this guy was human or sent to earth by a planet of Utopians baiting us into falling for one of their kind so they could take over our world. Here’s the video, you be the judge:

Tim Tebow addresses the media following Florida’s 31-30 loss to Ole Miss on 9/27/08.

Unlike Tebow–who, I might add, spends his offseasons giving religious seminars at maximum security penitentiaries, further adding to his legacy as a non-human alien robot–Hansbrough has quite a few more detractors and seemingly lacks the social grace displayed by his gridiron counterpart. Among other things, the UNC forward has a knack for maintaining a crazy look in his eye at all times. As if possessed by some invisible force, Hansbrough never seems to blink and constantly emits a laser stare that could make Steven Seagal uncomfortable. When put in front of a camera, Hansbrough resembles a deer in the headlights who’s been sipping on PCP-infused Red Bull all day; needless to say it’s a little frightening. Then again, I guess you don’t come by the nickname “Psycho T” by being a normal dude.

A week ago we published our Top 11 Sports Headlines of 2009, a list of predictions that forecast how the new year would play out. We didn’t really expect too many of those headlines to emerge on sports pages, but just eight days later, #10 on our list as at least partially come true.

Dawg Pack Dirt, Volume 5, Issue 12, University of California at Berkeley, January 10th, 2009

By Nate Taggart and Aaron Bean

Just a quick note about Thursday’s game. The Dawg Pack was in full force and we definitely helped our team to victory. Coach Romar loves it when we get loud, so let’s try to be even louder!!! Thursday was certainly the intensity we need during a game and we could feel it in the arena.

The Game:

-California Bears at Washington Huskies

-Saturday, January 10th, 2009 at 3:00 p.m. PST

The Team:

- California is at 14-2 (3-0 in the pac 10) and have won 8 in a row, including a 7-point victory against Wazzu on Thursday.

- They are a great 3-point shooting team so we need to get out on those shooters!!!

The Players:

- Jr. G #0 Nican Robinson: claims he is the nicest guy in the world (unless you do something to make him really angry!!!), and you will never see him without a smile on his face, we will see about that…

- Fr. G #2 Jorge Guitierrez: born in Chihuahua, Mexico (just found that funny).

- Jr. G #3 Jerome Randle: not much on him, but good to note that he is shooting 51% from 3 and Herb Sendek, the Arizona St coach, called him one of the best, if not the best, point guards in the country.

- Jr. F #10 Jamal Boykin: skipped an AAU tournament in high school because he was in a school play (maybe he will show us some acting skills or tell us what play it was), he along with Patrick Christopher, Jeremy Randle, Max Zhang, Nican Robinson, and Nikola Knezevic sang a great rendition of Jingle Bells for the holidays (ask them to sing for us!)

- Jr. G #13 Nikola Knezevic: from Serbia so might have to yell some great Serbian words at him. I know the game is just tomorrow morning, but if u know any phrases let us know or just yell them at the game.

- Fr. C #14 Max Zhang: you will notice this guy when you see him. A big 7’3 guy from China, yet only weighs 225 pounds. Also, he averages a foul for every 3.5 minutes.

- Jr. G #23 Patrick Christopher: godbrother is Tayshaun Prince and shoots 41% from 3.

- Jr. F #24 Theo Robertson: not much about him either, but he does lead the nation in 3-point shooting at 61.2%.

- So. C #32 Taylor Harrison: lists his intended major as Art Practice, what the hell is an ART PRACTICE major!!!

One last thing that we found is about Jerome Randle and Patrick Christopher. It has to do with them driving around Berkeley and pretending to rob people at 1:30 in the morning. And, of course, they got caught by the cops and their reasoning was that they were just having fun. Strange way to have fun… Click here to read the story.

GO DAWGS!

Pauline Parmentier goes all Happy Gilmore on us during the Australian Open in October. Remember, it’s not the size of the racket that counts, but how you use it.