It wouldn’t be fair to call this the “Ugliest Athlete of the Year Award” because well, everyone defines ugly differently. So to be both specific and just, we went ahead and selected the “weirdest looking” athletes we could find in 2008, and really there wasn’t much competition. Amazingly enough, both these guys played for the Sonics last year, so we saw first-hand how strangely beautiful Robert Swift and Delonte West can be.
First, let’s examine Winner A, Robert Swift. The former first-round draft choice has seemingly gotten less normal-looking with each passing year. Observe the photo on the left. In the first half of that photo is a snapshot of Swift from his rookie season, 2004. He looks, for the most part, like your average pimply teenager (which in fact he was at the time). Now take a look at the second half of that photo. That’s Swift two years ago after undergoing a massive transformation. Tattoos all over his body, long red hair, tufts of peach fuzz, and the face of a pimply adult. Not as normal, by any means.
Now take a look at the photo on the right. How things have changed. Besides the fact that Swifty is a) playing and b) dunking, no less, he has also undergone yet another metamorphosis. His hair–once buzzed trim, once long and flowing–now appears to have been yanked out little by little. The tattoos remain, canvassed by an even whiter, milkier, ghostly-pale skin. And the mug, at one time pimply and with the potential to blossom into a beautiful flower, has apparently been scorched to the very nethers of the epidermis. Where has our Robert Swift gone? Who is this impostor, contributing semi-productive minutes of PT and with the face of an 80-year-old senior citizen? Swifty, we hardly know ye.
On to Winner B, the infamous Delonte West. West, like Swift, has always looked a little, how to put this nicely, different. In 2008, however, he took those differences to a whole new uncharted level of weird. Look to the left and you’ll see the 2007 edition of D-West. Bald head, lots of tats, a pretty good representation of the pre-weirdo Delonte. Sure, he wasn’t your run-of-the-mill looking dude back then, but at least you could tell that he was human.
Fast forward one year and catch a glimpse of the new Delonte West on the right. No, that’s not a half-sprouted Chia Pet you’re looking at; that is, in fact, the man who feeds LeBron James his balls (literally, one ball at a time). In addition to sporting what appears to be a pube-to-head hair transplant, West has also opted to follow in the footsteps of his former teammate, Swift, and grow facial hair, one chunk at a time. Naturally, the tats are still there, and possibly in greater numbers. It’s not all bad, however. Delonte does appear to have worked on his tan. No longer is he one of those questionable “Is he white or is he black?” guys, like Jason Kidd will likely always be. No, it’s very clear that West can at least now check the “Other” box on his SAT’s, so good news there. Overall, not as significant a downgrade in appearance as Swift, but major negative marks for the Brillo dome.
Again, we want to reiterate that this is not an ugly contest. We don’t consider either of these recipients to be “ugly.” Neither Robert Swift nor Delonte West happen to be what most people would consider “normal-looking,” however, and that’s what we’re really judging here. For 2008, at least, they are the two most unnormal-looking athletes we could find, and for that they get an award. Congrats!
