Seattle Sportsnet

If you haven’t checked it out yet, take the time to read rapper Lil Wayne’s blog on ESPN. It’s pretty much the most unbelievable piece of scripture you will ever digest. It’s so incredible in fact, that here at Seattle Sportsnet, we’re going to break it down each week and try to understand the deeper meaning of what Lil is trying to say. In our first blog breakdown, we’ll examine the entire collection of Lil’s work leading up to this point. Enjoy.

-Part 1, Lil on baseball:

“If [the Yankees] got Manny I would be very sad. I would pick a really good song to make an anti-Manny reference about it, and then express my unhappiness on the blog every week. And then I would be mad at [Manny] for the rest of my life.”

Now the new reader may be unaware of this fact, but Lil is a Boston Red Sox fan. He’s also a Tampa Bay Rays fan, a Los Angeles Dodgers fan, a Kansas City Chiefs fan, a Green Bay Packers fan, a New Orleans Hornets fan, and a Chicago Bulls fan, among others I’m sure. Lil is all-encompassing.

“I’ve thought about it, and my [closer] song would be “Closing Time” by that group Semisonic. You know the one: Closing Tiiiiiiiime. Except I’d just have that loop over and over again “Closing Tiiiiiiime, Closing Tiiiiiiiime” while I came in from the bullpen. And I wouldn’t run to the mound; I’d walk just to soak it all in. And for the away games it wouldn’t matter that I didn’t get to hear my song because I’d hear all the fans booing me and that would be enough to get me going.”

Intimidation, thou art Semisonic.

“I was thinking about some scenarios. What if you got a player in the All-Star Game who is up to bat last and the score is tied and it’s just one of those moments and he has to do something good to win it. But what if his team like, sucks—they’re not making it to the post-season. So I was wondering like, what is he thinking up there at the plate? Win this for another team?”

Keep in mind, this is a man who shot himself in the chest while playing with a loaded gun and nearly bled to death. So…

-Part 2, Lil on basketball:

“Shout out to the Oklahoma City Thunder, too. I think they’ll be the third NBA franchise that will actually have a winning team in their first season. They’ve got a lot of young guys who are ready, so watch out.”

Again, a man who shot himself while playing with a loaded gun. He also dropped out of school at age 14.

-Part 3, Lil on football:

“Poor Dallas. And poor T.O. He’s gonna quit. He takes a loss differently than anyone on that team. I think he has nightmares about losing or something, because he looks like he’s about to cry after every game they lose.”

Okay, that was actually pretty funny.

“But what about the Titans? Oh my God, they’re playing so well. And they’re doing it without VY (Vince Young), which is a hurtful thing for me because I’m a really big fan of his. He’s a really positive guy. I know him real well, and I help him out with his charity every year.”

Positive guy? Positive guy? Are we talking about the same depressed quarterback that pouted on the sidelines, ran away from home, and spent two straight days playing XBox while police searched for him? Positive guy?

“Shout out to Chris Johnson, LenDale White, Kerry Collins and the rest of the Titans for making it to 10-0. You guys are amazing. I’m gonna make a bold prediction right here and say I think they’re gonna lose to Detroit on Thanksgiving because even though they’re awful this year, Detroit usually always wins on Thanksgiving.”

Detroit lost the previous four Thanksgiving day games before getting smashed 47-10 by the Titans this year.

“Other people in the comments were all over me for saying Mwelde Moore is the only guy who ever came out of Tulane and did something, because what about Matt Forte? Well, of course. But Forte had a bigger coming out party, and people knew who he was. I just meant that Mwelde is a guy that not everyone knew a lot about. I didn’t really know about him until I’m watching highlights one day and they mention this dude on the screen is from Tulane. I was like what? Are you serious? Matt Forte is cool, but Mwelde gets a special kind of credit because he wasn’t really a sure-thing.

The first time in his life that Mewelde Moore has been mistaken for a sure-thing.

“I’m probably the only person out there who thought the Chiefs were gonna be playoff contenders, and Cincinnati would be good, too.”

John Clayton hates you.

“The whole Plaxico thing kind was crazy because immediately afterward everyone was talking about the legal implications and what are the Giants going to do with him now, and no one stopped and said, My God, this guy just shot himself. Is he okay? Was it stupid? Of course. I mean, I accidentally shot myself when I was twelve and that’s a scary lesson to learn. But before you go yelling at him and talking about his punishment for being so stupid it’s like, Guy, is your leg okay? I was amazed no one was asking that question. The guy just shot himself in the leg!”

And you thought I was making up the whole “shot himself in the chest” thing. Guy, is your chest okay?!

-Part 4, Lil answers questions.

Q: What do you think about soccer?

A: I’m a fan, actually. My favorite teams are Real Madrid and Barcelona, of course. I also like Chelsea. Oh, and I like Arsenal.

I’ve got a new song for Lil. He can call it “Bandwagon.” Here’s how it will go down: “I like my beat down low, and my top let back, see me ride 24′s, in my bandwagon hatchback.”

Q: Michael in Chicago: What is your favorite thing to eat at a ballgame?

A: That is another great question. I always try to have some nachos, Michael.

These are the nuances of Lil. He always tries to have some nachos. And that is a great question, Michael. Nice work.

Q: Rick from West Virginia: What is the NFL going to do if the Cowboys don’t make the playoffs?

A: Well, Rick, the NFL is going to have to move on because America’s team ain’t making the playoffs. Worse things have happened.

I can’t think of anything worse happening. Maybe if Pam and Jim broke up on The Office.

Remember back in 1998 when the Mariners traded an aging Randy Johnson because he had a bad back and was getting too old to be a productive pitcher? Ten years and four Cy Young awards later, the team still has yet to acknowledge they made an immensely huge mistake with the Big Unit. Unfortunately, that didn’t stop them from making the same mistake again just two years ago, this time with the aging Jamie Moyer.

Again, citing lack of youth as the primary motive for Moyer’s departure, the M’s shipped the beloved soft-tossing southpaw off to Philadelphia for two minor leaguers who will never see the inside of Safeco Field (unless they pay their way like the rest of us). That faux pas coincided with the downward spiral of the Seattle organization, and was underscored by the continued success had by Moyer in the city of Brotherly Love.

Now, two years later, Moyer is a world champion and benefactor of a two-year, $13 million contract extension that will keep him employed until his 48th birthday. How’s that for old? Since he’s left Seattle, the Ageless Wonder has compiled a 35-21 record with a 4.33 ERA over 74 starts. If we take a look at just the past two seasons (excluding the final two months of the ’06 season when Moyer first became a Philly), Moyer has put together a 30-19 record with a 4.36 ERA. By comparison, the best Mariners starting pitcher over that time span (Felix Hernandez) had a 23-18 record with a 3.68 ERA over the course of just 61 starts. There was no Mariner starting pitcher who posted numbers comparable to those of Hernandez between 2007 and 2008, meaning Moyer, on paper at least, would have been the clear-cut number two pitcher on the Seattle roster the past two years.

It’s quite possible that the Mariners have just committed another Moyer-Johnson by letting Raul Ibanez sign with those very same Phillies. If Ibanez can defy age and continue to put up big numbers for a championship team, the M’s may very well witness their organizational errors haunt them for a third time. Johnson, then Moyer, now Ibanez. Three old guys who could help the Mariners win a few games right now. In your face, Seattle.

It looks like we have a fairly slow Seattle sports week ahead of us, with our local teams not scheduled to play until the coming weekend and no national players shooting themselves in the leg this week. That means it’s a pretty good time to alert you, our readers, to changes upcoming on the site.

First, you may have noticed that on Saturday there was no posting of the Individual Power Rankings. For now, the IPR’s have been scrapped and we’re in the process of finding a new segment to replace them. That new segment may very well be “Digressions,” a random collection of musings and thoughts related to the current sports scene that will debut later this week. However, instead of slating articles for certain days, we’re instead going to plan on rolling our featured segments out irregularly, with the exception of the Top 11. The Top 11 will continue to run in three parts in its Thursday/Sunday/Monday slot.

We’re also working on finding more unusual national stories, like the UFC broken leg video and story we unveiled over the weekend, to make our site a little more interesting for all of you. As always, we encourage feedback and suggestions and ask that you send us emails or comments with things you like, things you don’t like, or things you want to see us do differently. We’re here for you, because of you and we want to continue to build a relationship between you and us. Thanks for taking the time to check us out, and keep telling your friends to stop by too. Our readers are what makes us great!