Seattle Sportsnet

So yeah, Franklin Gutierrez is the Mariners new center fielder, and if you’re like me your biggest concern is spelling “Gutierrez” correctly. It’s not that Franklin’s a bad player, he’s just not nearly as good as everyone thought he would be. He’s toiled on the Cleveland Indians roster for parts of the past four seasons, and it’s never a good thing to have the word “toiled” associated with your name. No one ever said Michael Jordan “toiled” on the basketball court. Denzel Washington never “toiled” acting roles. Ron Jeremy didn’t “toil” the southern reaches of thousands upon thousands of women with daddy issues who had to become pornstars in order to validate their self-worth. And yet here we have Franklin Gutierrez, newly appointed center fielder for your Seattle Mariners, and a serial toiler.

At one time, Gutierrez was considered a “prospect.” He had “five-tool talent” and lots of “upside.” For the uninitiated, these are all baseball terms meaning he was really, really good for his age, and could very likely end up being the next Barry Bonds. Of course, in the baseball world the experts usually stop using terms like these when you eclipse 25 years old or generally prove useless at the Major League level. Gutierrez hasn’t proven himself a total failure at the big-league level, but he is about to turn 26 and in baseball years that’s kind of old. Definitely too old to still be considered a prospect, and usually about the point where what you see is what you get.

If all these stereotypes hold true, then Gutierrez can be counted on to hit about .260, with 15 home runs, 75 RBI, and 15 stolen bases or so. Not Hall of Fame numbers. Don’t tell this to Jack Zduriencik, however. The Mariners GM visualizes Frankie G. as his everyday center fielder, a potential All-Star, and a middle-of-the-order threat. I don’t know. The scenario I’ve outlined is probably slightly below best-case scenario and should be considered reasonable at this point. Zduriencik, though, likely sees this as the worst-case scenario, which is likely bad news for M’s fans.

It’s not that I’m against trading J.J. Putz. In fact, I was really all for it. Closers are overrated and have little use on a rebuilding ballclub. Despite that fact, Putz is a top-shelf closer who should have commanded more than a 26-year-old fringe player with possible untapped talent, plus a bunch of unknowns. We can only hope that Zduriencik did his homework and unrooted some high-caliber potential that the Indians and Mets overlooked. But until then, we need to hold off on buying that Franklin Gutierrez personalized jersey and temper our optimism. This could be great. This could be a failure. Only time will tell.

It’s the end of an era in Seattle, as Raul Ibanez just reached an agreement with the Philadelphia Phillies to be their starting left fielder for the next three years. The deal is believed to be worth $30-million over that term, which is much more than the M’s were willing to commit to the 36-year-old.

No matter your feelings about Ibanez, there’s no denying that he had become one of the most consistent producers for some bad Mariners teams over the past few seasons. But with the club entering a full rebuilding stage, and Ibanez set to turn 37 in June, it just didn’t make sense for either party to commit to one another for the near future.

Ibanez will be missed in Seattle and we can only hope that he finds success in Philly.

Christmas in the Groh household should be interesting this year. That’s because University of Virginia head football coach Al Groh (pictured left) was faced with the tough task of giving his offensive coordinator, who moonlights as Groh’s son, the ax earlier this week. Mike Groh, former O.C. for your fightin’ Virginia Cavaliers, is now out of work and likely willing to mow the lawn, wash the car, walk the dog, or take out the trash for a few extra bucks. If his dad is willing to let him do that.

Not that Groh Senior isn’t justified for canning his kid. The Cavaliers had a pretty crappy offense and Mike Groh had become the subject of fan and media scrutiny during his three-year tenure. But come on. Whatever happened to providing for your children, sacrificing for their every need? You would think father and son would go down fighting together, for the good of the family name, a noble act of kinship and love. But no. Not as far as Crazy Al “Davis” Groh is concerned.

I’m interested to know the sequence of events leading up to Mike Groh’s termination. I think I could legally represent Mike pretty well, because let’s face it, there has to be some sort of protocol for firing your kid. Let’s see, Mike, did your dad ever spank you as a child? Were you given the opportunity to sit in time out and think about your poor performance? Does mom know? These are questions we need answers to.

All of this got me thinking about another interesting scenario that could crop up here in the near future. Some of you may be aware that newly appointed Tennesee head coach Lane Kiffin has hired his father, Monte, to run the Volunteers’ defense next season. The elder Kiffin has long been an NFL defensive coordinator, and is generally considered one of the great defensive minds of our generation. But let’s say all that Monte Kiffin genius doesn’t translate to the SEC. And the fire starts burning underneath Lane Kiffin. And Lane is faced with the prospect of, God forbid, terminating his own father. Then what? Could this really happen? Could we really, truly see a man sell his own dad out for the better good of himself? “Pop, mom’s behind me on this and I just want you to know that it’s over, you’re fired. I’ll see you at dinner. Also, I need to borrow the station wagon.”

Welcome to the new era of college football, where flesh and blood means nothing and no one is safe.

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