Seattle Sportsnet

In lieu of the Individual Power Rankings (which will return next week), we’re debuting a new feature on SSN: The Travis Henry Potent Human Being Awards. If you don’t know Travis Henry, he’s an ex-NFL running back who also moonlights as the world’s most potent man. Henry has fathered nine children with nine different women. I know what you’re thinking. We could have called this “The Travis Henry Total Stupidity Awards,” but we’re going to give T-Money the benefit of the doubt and assume he’s only had sex nine times, with nine different women no less, and had the testicular fortitude to power right through whatever birth control device was being used and send one of his boys to the promised land (or “end zone,” as I imagine he would call it).

Yes, here at SSN we try our best to put a positive spin on what would appear to be a negative situation. In addition to his ability to rear kids (R. Kelly and Michael Jackson just shared an awkward laugh at that line, and deep down the 12-year-old in you loved it too), Henry’s potency extends to the gridiron, where he was a 2002 Pro Bowler, and to his habitual side, where he has been busted for both possessing and using cocaine. Needless to say, awarding Henry the distinction of Most Potent Human Being was a foregone conclusion, so we had to just name the whole frickin award after him. Every now and then, we’ll take the time to award an individual who embodies the spirit of Henry and carries out Henry’s potency in his or her daily life. Our inaugural winner: New York Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress.

Plax has had his share of flubs this year. He was fined $45,000 by the league for abusing an official and tossing a ball into the stands. He’s been reprimanded by the Giants for skipping team meetings and essentially ignoring head coach and notorious hard-ass Tom Coughlin. He’s had police called to his home for a domestic dispute. He’s had a less-than-productive year on the field due to injury and inconsistency. Basically, he’s been straight poo this season.

Just when it looked like things couldn’t get any worse, Burress’ inner T-Hen emerged Friday night and the potency erupted like volcanic lava. Or, more accurately, like a bullet from a gun. Yes, Burress fired a gun. Accidentally. At himself. And like Henry’s misfires prior to that, Plax misfired badly, shooting his own darn self in the leg. Amazing.

Wide receivers need their legs, which makes Plaxico’s bonehead play all the more worse. Oh, and he could face criminal charges if it’s revealed that he doesn’t own a concealed weapons permit. Concealed weapons permits don’t allow the weapon owner to brandish arms in public, so Burress is probably in trouble there anyways. This is bad. Real bad.

Even if Plaxico can get off the schneid and salvage what has become a horrible, horrible year, he likely won’t live down this crapshow. This boner ranks right up there with Jose Canseco’s homer-off-the-head and that Gonzaga player who tried to dunk in a game on Thursday and ended up getting sent to the floor after having ball meet rim WITH AUTHORITY!

For the record, Plax’s injury is non-life threatening so we can look back at this right now and laugh. We can also congratulate the wideout for taking home the very first Travis Henry Potent Human Being Award, a major, major achievement. Congrats, Plax!